Friday, January 27, 2012

making the decision

making the decision to get pregnant.  when would be the right time?  when will we be ready?  are we really ready?  how serious do we want to be with trying?  should i be tracking things?  should i quit drinking?  should we tell our families that we're trying?  should we tell anyone?  lots of questions burned in my mind as matt and i started talking more seriously about when to start our family. 

our baby-making discussions start happening, in earnest, sometime over the summer.  we were planning a trip to florday in the fall for our anniversary.  my parents own a house in the villages (an enormous "active adult" retirement community about an hour north of orlando).  we toyed with the idea of starting to TTC around that time, but then we also were talking about a trip to italy in the spring.  so it was kind of settled that we would start during/after that trip.  but the more we talked about it, the more we realized that a) italy was going to make us rather poor and b) we were ready to get started sooner.  i had always thought that i would be the one who wanted to start sooner rather than later, but one night we were talking and matt just said "i want to have a baby.  soon.  i'm ready."  after i cried, we went back to talking about the fall.  we decided that i would go off my birth control pills the cycle before our vacation.

i'm not going to lie.  i had apprehension about this.  if i went off the pill, can i drink on our vacation?  can i go on rollercoasters?  are we gambling with this possible new little life by doing these things?  should we wait until after vacation?  after researching and talking to a friend, i decided that the odds of getting pregnant a week or two after stopping the pill were pretty slim.  also, i figured out that i would be ovulating right smack in the middle of our vacation, romantic opportunities!  ha ha.  i decided it was a safe bet to go off the pill and get started on our TTC.

but then i started looking into the future a few months.  if i got pregnant on vacation, i'd be still "newly" pregnant (ie, not telling anyone the news yet) for the holidays.  as it is, we already get harassed about our baby plans.  if i were to show up at a family function and not drink, i'd be toast.  on the one or two occasions i've passed on alcohol at family functions (headache, driving, what-have-you), i've been harassed.  oh, and i'm a terrible liar.  especially when i'm trying to lie about something that i'm really excited about.  terrible.  i thought about waiting till after the holidays.  but the more we talked about it, the more we realized we didn't want to put it off.  and we decided we'd just lie - make up fake drinks for me, say i have to drive, say i'm not feeling well, etc.  we'd pull it off. 

so october rolled around.  at the beginning of the month i finished my last pack of pills.  i double-checked with matt that we were ready.  he assured me it was the right time.  and so began our adventures in TTC...

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