first trip to the e.d.

yes, folks, that is a hospital bracelet with my baby's name on it.  this morning, at 6am, there we were, taking daxon to the emergency room.  not exactly the way i'd hoped we'd start off father's day weekend.

dax woke up around 5:45, so i went down to nurse him with hopes that i'd be able to get him back to sleep.  he nursed for about 4 minutes then fell asleep, so i placed him back in his crib.  as soon as i put him down, he woke up, and rather than fight with him, i picked him up to continue feeding him.  before i had the chance, though, he spit up all down my back.  i laid him down on the footrest of the glider and started to clean myself up. i looked away for a split second, and then i heard it: thud.  i looked back to see his body hit the floor and heard a second thud.  he immediately started to scream, and i ran to get him.  he was face-down on the hardwood floor.  i picked him up and started to comfort him, trying to remain calm myself...and failing miserably.  i was hysterical.  matt came running out of the bedroom, and i handed daxon over to him because i was shaking so much i was afraid to hold him.  he had already stopped crying and was smiling and laughing, but i called our pediatrician to see if we needed to take him to the emergency room.  she reassured me that he was probably fine, but said we should take him in, just to get him checked out. 

so off we went, with daxon smiling away.  he got all checked out and within 45 minutes, we were on our way back out the door.  the doctor told us that the only way to ensure that he is ok is to give him a head ct, but there is a lot of radiation exposure, so he would only do it if he was exhibiting concerning behavior, which he wasn't.  he said that if daxon starts acting strangely, we should bring him back in and they'll do the scan.  our discharge instructions were basically just to keep an eye on him.

i'm not entirely sure what happened, but i think he basically pushed himself backwards off the footrest, landing first on his head, then flipping backwards and landing on his belly.  it was absolutely terrifying, but the doctor and nurses assured us that he'll be fine.  they also all told us that their own kids have fallen on their heads and they're all fine.  but that just reinforces that you can't take your hands off them, even for just a split second.  from now on he either goes on the floor or in something secure.

he still seems fine, and in another hour we're out of the danger zone.  but it's certainly something i don't need to experience ever again.

#runforboston

last spring, i started the couch to 5k program.  i got through the first 5 weeks before i found out i was pregnant, and promptly stopped running because i was a weenie and didn't want to "hurt" the baby.  stupid.  but it happened.  a week before i found out i was pregnant, i went out and bought new running shoes.  i was really committed to making the c25k program work for me.  and then i got scared.

i really want to get back out there again.  i felt good while i was running the program.  i've been trying to figure out when i could do it, but i haven't really committed to it because i just wasn't driven enough.

and then i read this.

and now i want to commit.  i want to get my feet on the pavement (or the park path) and get moving.  i want to put one foot in front of the other, constantly moving forward.  i want to increase my heart rate.  i want to breathe rhythmically with my body.

i want to do it for boston.  for all those marathon runners who banded together and helped one another out.  for all the first responders who - once again - ran in when others were running out. 

i want to do it because i can.  because my body - tired, achy, and damaged as it may be - still works.  because my heart can still handle the exertion.  because i still have the freedom to move my bones and limbs and muscles at will.  because my lungs can still expand and contract. 

i can't guarantee it will be a regular thing.  days or weeks may go by between my running sessions.  but i'm going to do it.  i'm going to lace up my sneakers, put my hair in a ponytail, and strap on my sports bra. 

i'm going to do it.  i'm going to run for boston. 

source

first cold

hey all.  well, less than 2 weeks into daycare and daxon's got his first cold.  it's just a little case of the stuffies - no fever, and he's not completely miserable, but he's breathing like a bulldog.  over the weekend, he slept a lot, as i think his little body was trying to fight it off - saturday night he slept for almost 13 hours straight!  anyway, i'm doing my best to try to keep him unstuffy.  i have been using the nosefrida religiously.  dax is definitely not a fan of the process, but as soon as i'm done using it, he calms right back down.  that thing gets a lot of snot out of there!  it is unbelievable.  gross, but unbelievable.  i put a few drops of breastmilk in each nostril before i use it, to help loosen things up in there first, then suck away.  i think maybe tonight before his bath i will run a steamy hot shower for a few minutes to get the bathroom all steamed up - that supposedly helps, too.  they also say to nurse them in a steamy bathroom, but he always falls asleep nursing, and i wouldn't want to have to nosefrida him (what, that's totally a verb) after nursing - he'd completely wake up again.  and be pissed.

i sent some saline nasal drops and a bulb syringe with him to daycare, but sasha (who cares for him) said he didn't seem too bad yesterday.  which makes me nervous that he's allergic to something in our house (i do need to vacuum...).  i will be heartbroken if he turns out to be allergic to padfoot.  so as cruel as it seems, i really am hoping it's just a little cold and will go away soon.

for the most part, though, he seems to be handling it ok.  we were up last night from 1-2:30, partially because i was being stubborn and refused to nurse him.  i did not want to start that habit.  so initially i went down and just put the paci in his mouth and rocked him for about 25 minutes until i thought he fell back asleep.  i put him back in the crib and left the room, but 5 minutes later he was awake and crying again.  so i went back down and just put the paci in his mouth but didn't pick him up.  i was in there for about 10 minutes until he fell back asleep and i went back to bed.  that lasted 15 minutes and right when i was falling back to sleep, he was awake and crying again.  so then i checked his diaper (just a little wet) and decided to nosefrida him.  which, of course, pissed him off, so then he was really crying, but he did sound a little better.  so i attached him to the boob and he fell asleep after about 10 minutes.  i put him back to bed and he slept fine until i had to wake him up at 6.  so i know to a lot of people one wake up in the night sounds like nothing (and some people would be thrilled with that), but for us, after about 6 weeks of sleeping through the night, it was a rough night.  and a rough morning - mommy skipped the half-caf coffee and went straight to full-caf, high sugar starbucks caramel machiatto.  but lesson learned - if we wake up again tonight, don't be so stubborn - suck the snot, stick him on the boob, and get him back to sleep!

honestly, i'd anticipated our first daycare disease would be much worse and happen much sooner.  if this is all we get, then i'll be thrilled.  i'm really hoping that since he's starting daycare at the end of cold/flu season, we'll miss a lot of the biggies.  fingers crossed!

reflux...i think

the week started off great. the weather was beautiful on monday, so daxon and i took a walk.  i had a package to mail to my sister (all of his newborn clothing, minus one kimono shirt for me to cry over someday), so i put him in the bugaboo stroller that i got from a friend and off we went.  after the post office we stopped in to rite-aid for mommy to get more hemorrhoid cream (note to the pregnant moms, get cream not ointment.  trust me).  it was lovely.

then we got home.  daxon was in a fine mood when we got home, and mommy had to pee, so i put him in the rock and play and went upstairs.  while i was in the bathroom he started to cry, but it wasn't his usual, "hey you left me alone, wtf am i supposed to do now" cry.  this was a cry.  i quickly finished my business, and went back downstairs.  as i approached, i noticed his shirt was wet like he'd spit up a little.  i've been suspecting he had silent reflux for a few days at this point (more on that in a minute), so while the spit up made me feel bad for him, i wasn't too concerned.  but then i noticed the pink spots on his shirt, and panic ensued.  my baby had just spit up blood.  my initial reaction was to check his mouth and see if he had any sores or had maybe bit his tongue (which is, of course, completely illogical - he couldn't gum his tongue to bleeding!).  obviously, i found nothing of the sort.  so, after i put him on the boob to call him down, i called the pediatrician.

ok, let me back up now.  like i said, i've been suspecting that daxon has silent reflux for a few days.  why?   the biggest clue for us was the gagging/choking he does after he eats.  it could be up to an hour after he eats, and all of sudden he'll just start choking.  it lasts only a second or two and then he's fine, and it doesn't seem to really bother him too much, but it's scary as hell.  occasionally, he'll be sleeping, then all of a sudden start whimpering and/or crying - almost like he's having a nightmare - but i suspect he's actually refluxing in his sleep and it hurts.  occasionally he'll push off me or pull away from the bottle, and when we sit him up to burp, he screams.  i thought he was just mad cuz we took the food away, but now i suspect he's mad cuz burping makes the reflux bad.  he especially hates being burped over the shoulder, probably because that puts pressure on his little belly.  and he hiccups all.the.time.  at least 3 times a day.  he rarely spits up, though, which is why i've been suspecting that it's silent reflux.

i mean...if that's not the saddest face in the world...

when the pediatrician called me back, i went over all of these symptoms with her.  she agreed that it sounded like reflux, and didn't feel it was necessary to bring him in for an appointment urgently, since we are seeing her next week for his 2-month well visit (oh, god, the shots....i'm already dreading it).  but she called in a script for zantac.  i immediately took to the hellobee boards and dr. google, as well as consulted my friends on facebook.  from what i read, zantac - if it works for your baby - works quickly to relieve the painful symptoms of reflux, but won't actually stop the spitting up.  fine.  he hardly spits up as it is, i just want it to stop hurting him! but i was also warned that for dinner babies, the zantac didn't work, and they required a visit to a pediatric gi specialist. does the word specialist make any other mama's skin crawl?

despite all of the evidence to suggest he has reflux, i'm still not totally convinced. and i'm the one who diagnosed him in the first place. but it seems like it's the worst in the evening. during the day he generally seems comfortable and content. he is always super fussy in the evenings, though. matt gives him a bottle around 6, and once he finishes that, it's fuss city.  i wouldn't call him inconsolable, but everything we try only works for a few minutes before he's fussing again. i have two theories on this. my first is that he gets too gassy from the bottle, which aggravates the reflux (have you ever burped when you have heartburn?  ouch.). so today we went out and picked up 2 new bottles - an anti-colic tommee tippee (we've been using regular tommee tippee bottles and he takes them well) and a dr. brown. i read reviews online and found that the tommee tippee, while designed with a valve to let air through the milk, is not a true anti-colic bottle. the only true anti-colic bottles are mam and dr. brown. i really didn't want to get the dr. brown, but babies r us doesn't sell mam bottles, so i didn't have a choice.  tonight we'll try the tommee tippee and see if that helps, then move on to the dr. brown if not. my other theory is that we're keeping him up too late. i generally start his bedtime routine around 8, about 2 hours after he gets the bottle, and he's typically down by 9. i'm wondering if maybe we should treat the bottle like his bedtime meal, and put him down after he finishes that. i'm hesitant to do this, though, because then matt will hardly get any time with him. and matt is hesitant because he's been sleeping so well so far - why mess with it? i plan to see how it goes with the zantac and the new bottles. if his fussiness doesn't improve, then i will discuss changing his bedtime with the ped on tuesday.

it is torturous watching him cry in pain and not be able to do anything. i hope one of these things, or a combination of any of them, help him and maybe him feel better!