this life

i'm sitting here in the pale light of early morning, rocking daxon in the glider in my brand-new nephew's nursery.  he has just finished nursing, and so now we're just snuggling together.  as i sat here breathing in this moment, it dawned on me that my sister is probably downstairs doing the exact same thing.  and i was suddenly overwhelmed with such a love for this life that i could not contain it, and the tears just started to spill.

how absolutely blessed we all are...

i'm an auntie!

my sister had her baby!!!  she ended up having a scheduled c-section because at 38 weeks, that little sucker flipped and went breech! 

baby boy was born yesterday, 4/25 (my dad's birthday) at 12:10pm.  7lb even, 20".  pretty big for a week-early baby!  mama and baby are doing great, and hope to be home by sunday. 

pictures and name to follow if she lets me!  what i can tell you is that this little one is a FIFTH!  daddy's the 4th in a line of men with his name, and though they weren't sure they'd go that direction, they ultimately did!  his full name sounds very distinguished because of it.

matt, daxon, and i are headed to hershey tomorrow to meet the little guy.  i am so stinkin excited, i can hardly stand it!

3 months

 

our baby boy turned 3 months last week (oops i'm a little late)!  i feel like my past month updates have been a little scattered so i'm going to use a little bit of a prompting thingie (very technical term, you know) to help me organize my thoughts.

nicknames: dax, d, bubbers, and munchkin.  i also was calling him pasta fadrool one night because matt was talking about making pasta fagiole, and daxon was drooling like a maniac (like he likes to do), and mommy's a huge dork.

likes: dancing and singing with mommy, drooling, working out with daddy, practicing grabbing at things, laughing at his goober parents, bounding on the yoga ball, and baths (finally, yay!)

dislikes: the nosefrida, taking zantac, my car seat, being hungry, and tummy time.

milestones: the social smiles are coming a mile a minute, mostly because mommy and daddy are probably two of the biggest weirdos on the planet and will do anything they can think of to make him smile.  he also started grabbing things, just within the past 2 weeks, i'd say.  he loves the o'ball, especially.  daycare tells us he's starting to lift his head more during tummy time.  i know they work on it with him a lot at daycare, so i tend to not do it in the evenings (it makes him so cranky!), so i look forward to seeing how he does this weekend.

clothing size: officially out of the 0-3 month stuff.  most 3-month stuff fits well, though some of it is a little snug due to the extra bulk of the cloth diapers.  3-6 month stuff is a little big.

sleep: still sleeping like a champ.  he typically sleeps from about 8:30-6.  most mornings i have to wake him up at 6.  he goes down easily after falling asleep nursing.  part of me worries about nursing him to sleep, but then he also will go down if matt gives him a bottle.  eventually we will probably try to start putting him down without having him fall asleep eating, but for now it works, and i think that is part of why he's sleeping through the night - he goes to bed with a really full tummy!  daycare reports his naps to us, and they are still kind of sporadic.  sometimes he naps mutliple times in the mornings, then is awake all afternoon. sometimes he doesn't sleep at all in the morning then takes a 2-hour nap in the afternoon.  

now that i've been back to work for 2 weeks, we have a pretty good schedule figured out.  i get up at 5am (ok, my alarm is set for 5:07, but i snooze once and then actually get up at 5:17).  i shower, do my makeup, and dry and straighten my hair.  this usually takes me about 45 minutes.  when i finish that, i go wake up daxon.  i wake him up, change his diaper, and get him dressed for the day.  then i feed him for about 20 minutes (that's usually all he'll eat).  once he's done eating, i either put him back in his crib if he's fallen back asleep (which has only happened 2x in 2 weeks) or i bring him up to our bedroom with me.  i pump off the other side while talking to him, then matt takes him downstairs while i finish getting ready.  the one morning that i tried to let him sleep in a little and nursed him after i got dressed, he had a massive spit-up and i ended up having to change.  so now i nurse him before i get dressed!  i am out the door by 7:20 to catch my 7:28 train, and matt drops him off at daycare around 7:45.  i catch the 5:07 train home and pick him up around 5:45.  we get home and i nurse him, then hand him over to matt while i cook dinner.  daxon plays on his playmat while we eat (unless he's being fussy, then we eat in shifts so one of us can be holding/entertaining him), then matt takes him up for a bath while i get his bags and bottles ready for the next day.  after his bath, i take over the bedtime routine, and we are back to our normal thing: lotion massage, singing "lullaby," and nursing to sleep. 

we started cloth diapering 2 weeks ago (the saturday after my first day back to work).  so far, we love it.  no blowouts, and only a couple pee leaks (i think because the diaper wasn't put on correctly).  he stays comfortable enough that it's not waking him at night, so i don't feel like we need to add any inserts or use disposables at night (yet).  it probably is only about 1 extra load of laundry a week.  his bum hasn't had any issues (we never had a full diaper rash in the 'sposies, but his bum occasionally looked irritated - i would start generously applying diaper rash cream as soon as i noticed it to catch it before it got worse).  and they are so stinkin cute.  i'll do a more detailed post on it in the future.

the zantac seems to be helping his reflux issues.  eventually we'll have to increase the dose, but for now 1mg seems to be working just fine. 

i am pumping 4-5 times a day - first thing in the morning (i pump the side he doesn't nurse on), then 3 times at work (9:15, 12:15, and 3:15), then once right before bed (so that i don't wake up engorged).  my supply is great, and i usually am able to pump enough in one day to fill his bottles for daycare, plus have some extra to add to my frozen stash.  he gets 3 5oz bottles at daycare, though he doesn't always take the whole thing at each feeding.  they dump anything that's left, which freaked me out at first, but now that i know my supply can handle it, i'm not so upset about it.

he seems to be adjusting great to daycare.  he eats well while there.  and they are doing the cloth diapers with us, which i love.  we get reports at the end of every day, and they always say how smiley he is.  even though he is in the infant room,i think he's the only infant there, so he gets to hang out with the big kids a lot, and they seem to love him.  this might concern some parents, but i happen to think it's great - the more people he's around, the better his language development.  i'd be more worried about him sitting all isolated in the infant room with just him and the teacher!

and, of course, gratuitous pictures of the little stinker for you...

He is pretty much always this happy when he wakes up

plotting his next evil deed...puking all over mama!

helping mama put away the laundry

snuggles

looking like such a little man in his striped polo

sunday morning storytime - our favorite book

lovin the wubbanub (aka, wubby)

and from our 3-month photo shoot, a few silly outtakes...

i am not impressed

c'mon, mom...seriously?!

my feet are far more interesting than this stupid photo shoot

can i please get back to wubby, now?

fine...then i'll just eat my hands

#runforboston

last spring, i started the couch to 5k program.  i got through the first 5 weeks before i found out i was pregnant, and promptly stopped running because i was a weenie and didn't want to "hurt" the baby.  stupid.  but it happened.  a week before i found out i was pregnant, i went out and bought new running shoes.  i was really committed to making the c25k program work for me.  and then i got scared.

i really want to get back out there again.  i felt good while i was running the program.  i've been trying to figure out when i could do it, but i haven't really committed to it because i just wasn't driven enough.

and then i read this.

and now i want to commit.  i want to get my feet on the pavement (or the park path) and get moving.  i want to put one foot in front of the other, constantly moving forward.  i want to increase my heart rate.  i want to breathe rhythmically with my body.

i want to do it for boston.  for all those marathon runners who banded together and helped one another out.  for all the first responders who - once again - ran in when others were running out. 

i want to do it because i can.  because my body - tired, achy, and damaged as it may be - still works.  because my heart can still handle the exertion.  because i still have the freedom to move my bones and limbs and muscles at will.  because my lungs can still expand and contract. 

i can't guarantee it will be a regular thing.  days or weeks may go by between my running sessions.  but i'm going to do it.  i'm going to lace up my sneakers, put my hair in a ponytail, and strap on my sports bra. 

i'm going to do it.  i'm going to run for boston. 

source

first cold

hey all.  well, less than 2 weeks into daycare and daxon's got his first cold.  it's just a little case of the stuffies - no fever, and he's not completely miserable, but he's breathing like a bulldog.  over the weekend, he slept a lot, as i think his little body was trying to fight it off - saturday night he slept for almost 13 hours straight!  anyway, i'm doing my best to try to keep him unstuffy.  i have been using the nosefrida religiously.  dax is definitely not a fan of the process, but as soon as i'm done using it, he calms right back down.  that thing gets a lot of snot out of there!  it is unbelievable.  gross, but unbelievable.  i put a few drops of breastmilk in each nostril before i use it, to help loosen things up in there first, then suck away.  i think maybe tonight before his bath i will run a steamy hot shower for a few minutes to get the bathroom all steamed up - that supposedly helps, too.  they also say to nurse them in a steamy bathroom, but he always falls asleep nursing, and i wouldn't want to have to nosefrida him (what, that's totally a verb) after nursing - he'd completely wake up again.  and be pissed.

i sent some saline nasal drops and a bulb syringe with him to daycare, but sasha (who cares for him) said he didn't seem too bad yesterday.  which makes me nervous that he's allergic to something in our house (i do need to vacuum...).  i will be heartbroken if he turns out to be allergic to padfoot.  so as cruel as it seems, i really am hoping it's just a little cold and will go away soon.

for the most part, though, he seems to be handling it ok.  we were up last night from 1-2:30, partially because i was being stubborn and refused to nurse him.  i did not want to start that habit.  so initially i went down and just put the paci in his mouth and rocked him for about 25 minutes until i thought he fell back asleep.  i put him back in the crib and left the room, but 5 minutes later he was awake and crying again.  so i went back down and just put the paci in his mouth but didn't pick him up.  i was in there for about 10 minutes until he fell back asleep and i went back to bed.  that lasted 15 minutes and right when i was falling back to sleep, he was awake and crying again.  so then i checked his diaper (just a little wet) and decided to nosefrida him.  which, of course, pissed him off, so then he was really crying, but he did sound a little better.  so i attached him to the boob and he fell asleep after about 10 minutes.  i put him back to bed and he slept fine until i had to wake him up at 6.  so i know to a lot of people one wake up in the night sounds like nothing (and some people would be thrilled with that), but for us, after about 6 weeks of sleeping through the night, it was a rough night.  and a rough morning - mommy skipped the half-caf coffee and went straight to full-caf, high sugar starbucks caramel machiatto.  but lesson learned - if we wake up again tonight, don't be so stubborn - suck the snot, stick him on the boob, and get him back to sleep!

honestly, i'd anticipated our first daycare disease would be much worse and happen much sooner.  if this is all we get, then i'll be thrilled.  i'm really hoping that since he's starting daycare at the end of cold/flu season, we'll miss a lot of the biggies.  fingers crossed!

disney movies are tragedies masquerading as kids' films

think about it.  how many disney movies can you name where some tragic event occurs, leaving our main character mom- or dad- or parent-less?  this is a disturbing trend in disney movies. check it out:

disney movies where there is a traditional family - mom, dad, and kids - are pretty few and far between.  off the top of my head, i can think of 4 - lady and the tramp, sleeping beauty, the incredibles, and pocahontas.  

think about stories where at least one parent (usually mom) is killed - bambi, the lion king, and finding nemo.

and then you have the stories where one parent (again, usually mom) is never seen - snow white, cinderella (mom died before the story started), the little mermaid, beauty and the beast, and aladdin (jasmine's mother is never mentioned).  toy story features a single mother. 

and then the movies with no parents at all - aladdin (aladdin is obviously parent-less) and monsters, inc (seriously, where are boo's parents?!).  in the rescuers, poor little penny is an orphan.  alice (alice in wonderland) has a sister, but what about her parents?  tarzan loses his parents in a tragic tiger attack and is left to be raised by gorillas!  what?!  in lilo and stitch, you have tragedy on top of tragedy - her parents are gone, so she's being raised by her sister, but then a social worker (giving all of us social workers a bad name) shows up and tries to take lilo from her sister!  geez, disney! 

when you think about it, disney movies are seriously tragic!  how do we let our kids watch these things?  i mean, come on.  you can't tell me that up wasn't one of the saddest movies you've ever seen....

back to work

my maternity leave - and time home with daxon - officially ended on wednesday.  it was a sad day.  i cried about it starting on sunday afternoon (thanks, mom, for bringing it up at easter brunch!), and then several times all the way up through getting on the train wednesday morning.  but once i got that final cry out on the train, i was fine.  and you know what?  coming back wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it would be.  i have been told several times by almost everyone i work with that they are glad to see me back and that i was missed while i was out.  that's kind of a nice thing to hear, especially since when i'm actually at work, no one ever says, "hey, you're doing a great job and we really value you."  my floor is as busy as ever, and i jumped right in and was off and running from the minute i walked in the door.  that has probably helped with the transition, since i haven't had time to sit around and miss daxon. 

but the biggest thing?  i feel more like myself than i have in a long time.  i love daxon, obviously, and my time with him is the most important thing in the world.  but it is really nice to be back amongst adults, having real conversations.  i can only take so much one-sided talk about poopy diapers.  it's nice to be able to speak in a regular register, not all high-pitched and sing-songy. 

and daycare reports that daxon is doing great.  they said he doesn't cry much, and really just sits quietly and observes everything.  he gets that from his daddy, for sure.  he still isn't napping terribly well (3 30-minute-ish naps), but he's eating fine and is still in a pretty good mood when we get him home in the evening.  after that first morning when he was up at 4, i've actually had to wake him up at 6 to nurse him and get him ready for the day.  it pains me each time, but if i wait till he wakes up on his own, i'll be late myself. 

we've changed his bedtime routine, now.  it used to be that matt would give him a bottle around 6, then he'd play for a bit until around 8, at which point i would take him up, change his diaper, give him a massage and sing "lullaby," then nurse him to sleep.  now i nurse him when i pick him up (around 6), he plays for a bit, and then around 7:45, matt takes him up for his bath while i get his bags ready for the next day.  after his bath, i get him dressed for bed, and then we do the massage, lullaby, and nurse to sleep.  this way, matt still gets some quality one-on-one time with him while i get things ready for the next morning so we're not rushing around.  so far it seems like it's working well.  we only bathe him every other night, so on nights we don't bathe him, he just stays downstairs with us a little bit longer. 

really?!

today is my first day back to work.  today is also the first day in 2-3 weeks that daxon has woken up before 6am.  and it couldn't have been a 2 or 3am wake-up.  no, it's gotta be 4am, so that going back to bed before my alarm goes off is pointless.

thanks, universe.

easter fun

we headed back to hershey this weekend for easter with our families.  this time, we stayed at aunt callie and uncle anthony's.  they just moved back to hershey from baltimore, and they have a lot of room in their new house.  matt and i were in a bedroom with our own bathroom, and daxon got to sleep in their nursery one night, then the "bonus" room the next night, cuz anthony's cousin came to stay, too. 

we got home friday night and went out to dinner with my dad to celebrate all of our birthdays (matt and anthony's are in february, callie and mine are in march, and my dad's is in april).  we went to the warwick tavern in hummelstown.  it's an old favorite of ours.  after dinner, we all went back to callie and anthony's and had ice cream sundaes!  yummm...

on saturday, matt, daxon, and i went to meet my mom and jeff and my step-brother's family at the country club for the easter egg hunt.  i popped daxon in my sister-in-law's baby bjorn (she was giving it to callie, so i had her bring it for me to use and then i gave it to callie).  daxon's cousins, aiden and brody, participated in the egg hunt.  poor little brody didn't get any eggs, but aiden cleaned up, and then was a nice big brother and gave a few to brody.  i didn't take any pictures, unfortunately, but i wish i would have tried to get a stealth picture of the two little twin boys whose parents painted football paint under their eyes.  seriously?!  it's an easter egg hunt, not a competitive sport! 

from there, the 3 of us headed over to matt's parents.  they had a full house, with matt's brother mike, his girlfriend jody, and his 2 kids (avery, 12, and gabe, 10), matt's other brother dan, his aunt barb and uncle jack, and his cousin bobby and wife brandi and their 2 kids (addison, 1, and jack, 3).  we had dinner and then went for a short walk.  daxon got passed around quite a bit, but handled it pretty well until the end of the night when he hit his wall - i think he was tired and overstimulated. 

sunday morning, daxon was an enormous fuss-pot.  he was wailing all morning long.  i thought something was wrong, or that he was sick, but his temperature was fine.  i think he was just feeling overwhelmed still from the night before.  poor little guy.  we went to church and he did great - he got kind of fussy at one point, but he was just hungry, so i gave him a bottle and he was fine.  my friend's mom was assisting with communion, so when we went up, she got a good look at daxon, then quickly sent us on our way because she was starting to cry!  so sweet.

after church, we went back to callie and anthony's for a little before heading back to the country club for easter brunch with all of my siblings.  we were missing my step-sister heather and my niece sidnae, but all in all, there were 17 of us - 10 adults and 7 kids.  we easily had the biggest table in the place! 

daxon slept through most of brunch, much to the dismay of his aunties.  they got a little bit of time with him, though, and his cousins were excited to play with the baby!  we hit the road around 4:30, and we got home to a nice big package on our doorstep....

our cloth diapers are here!  i cannot wait to put these on daxon's cute little bum.  i am in the process of pre-washing them right now (you have to wash them 3-5 times before you can use them).  we will probably wait to start using them until this weekend, so that we can get used to it before sending him off to daycare with them. 

speaking of...i go back to work on wednesday.  i have been doing great with it up until yesterday.  and then i cried about it 3 separate times on the drive home.  ugh.  wednesday is going to be a rough one.  i will totally be that girl sitting on the train in tears.  booo....