my boy

it's 4:27am.  i've been awake for an hour and 27 minutes.  i woke up at 3am for my nightly pee, and was wide awake from that point forward (don't get me started on my nightly panics about waking up in the 3 o'clock hour, thanks to the exorcism of emily rose).  after tossing and turning for an hour, i finally gave up and got up.  i'm sitting downstairs now, sportscenter on tv for noise, cheating on my registries, and thinking about our son.

our son.

dear baby boy,

i'm sorry that i don't talk to you as much as i probably should, but i hope that you "hear" the running conversation that i have with you in my head.  pregnancy has been such an incredible journey for me, and i cannot wait to meet you, the little man who has taken up residence and claimed his space in my belly and in my heart.  already you fill such a huge space in my heart, and i haven't even laid eyes on you yet.  i cannot even comprehend the level of love that i feel for you.

i constantly wonder who you'll be.  will you be funny, like your dad?  will you be stubborn, like your mom?  what is it that will make you just distinctly you?  i lay in bed, feeling you move, and think about the little personality you're already forming.  i think about what you look like, and can't wait to finally see you - study your face, count your tiny toes, kiss your little fingers, nuzzle your fuzzy head.  it's hard to believe that we are only 7 weeks away from meeting you, and yet it feels like it's eons away.

you aren't even here yet but you are so lucky already.  you have so many family members who are excited to meet you.  not just me, your daddy, and your fursister, padfoot.  but gigi and fritz, and grandpa, and aunt callie, uncle anthony, and your baby cousin.  i cannot wait to have cousin playdates with aunt callie and uncle anthony.  i am so excited that you will have a cousin to grow up with.  you have other cousins, too - gabe and avery.  they are much older than you but i know you will love them and look up to them.  so many others - pop and nunu, uncle mike, uncle dan... plus all your extended family members.  and our friends, who are the family we've chosen.  you will grow up surrounded by love, i can assure you.

i just can't wait to share our lives with you.  to dance in the living room.  read books in your nursery.  bake cookies in the kitchen.  create memories and start traditions and have our family quirks.  take you on vacations and show you the world.  watch you play with your cousins and chase padfoot around the house (she'll be terrified). 

oh, my little boy, i just cannot wait to meet you and see what a special little person you'll be.  i promise to let you be the person you're meant to be, to celebrate everything you are, and to help you become whatever you want to be.

love you,
mama