mama's recovery

dudes, having a baby is amazing.  you never know how strong you really are until you push a baby out of yourself.  but damn, it is rough on your body. 

if you recall, i labored for 27 hours, then pushed for 3 hours.  apparently at some point during the pushing, the nurse told matt that i was going to feel like i'd run a marathon the next day.  she wasn't kidding.  my abs hurt.  my forearms hurt (i used the grab bars on the bed to help me push).  my back hurt.  i was exhausted. take the painkillers they offer you before you experience the pain.  i turned down the tylenol/motrin/percocet (you have a choice) immediately after delivery because i wasn't feeling any pain.  big mistake.  take it right away.  and if you're feeling too much pain to sleep or function, take the percocet.  i only took one dose, but it helped me get enough sleep that i could be present for daxon. 

the abs and forearms got better by the second or third day.  but man, things "down there" stay sore for a long time.  i am 2 weeks post-partum today and just started feeling normal a couple days ago.  things were swollen and numb but painful, if that makes any sense.  a tip: get yourself one of those rubber donuts to sit on.  it's the one thing the hospital doesn't give you, but it made a huge difference for me.  also, my mom spoke to the pharmacist when i sent her out for some supplies, and the pharmacist suggested hydrocortisone with cooling sensation - it felt awesome.  stock up on tucks pads, and put some in the freezer.  the hospital gave me a sitz bath, but i hated it - it actually hurt me and i could only tolerate it for 30 seconds before needing to get off of it.

for breastfeeding, daxon has been a champ and i haven't really experienced any major nipple soreness or anything.  but every now and then i still need to put something on them, especially after a pumping session (i need to get bigger flanges for my pump).  i find that earth mama angel baby's nipple butter is way better than lansinoh lanolin - it's not as sticky and goes on much more easily. 

our birth story

our birth story ended up being pretty different than what i'd anticipated and/or wanted, but it's ours and that makes it perfect.  i took notes throughout the day, so i'm just basically going to relay them to you as i wrote them.  i'll throw in any afterthoughts in italics.

-wednesday morning, i lost my mucus plug.  and wednesday afternoon, i started having irregular contractions.  right around 7pm, they had become more regular - about 7 minutes apart.
-called l&d triage at 9pm, as instructed.  was told an rn would call me back.  rn called back around 9:30 and told us to come to triage at 10:30.  we laid around the house a bit more, enjoying our last few minutes together, then packed up the car and headed over to the hospital.
-check in at 10:45 (nurse patty)
-placed on monitors and cervical check - still 1cm, 50% effaced.  baby's heart rate is "beautiful."
-got iv for fluids.  took 3 tries (ended up in left hand)
-11:30pm - baby's heart rate dropped.  i got o2.  4rns and the ob came in.  had me flip side to side, then on all 4s.  baby's heart rate finally came back to baseline (120s).
-12am - transferred to l&d.  checked in with new rn (rosie)
tried to sleep - too nervous, too many contractions, too much noise, what have you
-1:30am - ob (dr. piccone) explained that i am contracting quite a bit already, and with the baby's heart rate drop earlier, they decided to skip the cytotec and go straight to low dose pitocin.
-2am - started on low dose pitocin to ripen cervix.  told it will be 1mg for an hour, then 2mg for hour, then up to 4mg, where it'll stay for a while.  definitely feeling contractions but they aren't painful.  just tightening of belly and down in groin.
-4:30am - 4mg pitocin.  cervical check - still 1cm, 50%, -1 station.  contractions are stronger and becoming painful.  when lying on back, hurts in ribcage.
-7am - new rns (sandi and katrina)
-11:30am - contractions about 2-2 1/2 minutes apart.  matt and i start talking about getting an epidural.  i was managing the pain fine, but was so tired and felt i needed to rest in order to have the strength to push when the time came.  we decided that if i haven't dilated, i will probably get one just so that i can rest.
-12pm - cervical check - 2cm, 90%, -1 station.  discussed options - break water and hope to move things along, or epidural.  chose the epidural.
-12:30pm - epidural placed.  can't feel contractions (yay!).  bp issues - flipped sides, increased iv fluids, placed on o2.
-1-3pm - slept!  once they regulated my blood pressure, i could hardly keep my eyes open.  the nurse was talking to me and i could barely pay attention.
-3:30pm - straight cath
-4:30pm - discussed possibility of foley bulb to dilate.  cervical check - 2-3cm, 90%, -1 station.  foley bulb would not be appropriate - it falls out at 3cm.  o2 off.
-5:30pm - felt a lot of wetness.  thought maybe water broke.  more bp issues - flipped sides, iv fluids, placed on o2. 
-7:15pm - straight cath.  new rn (laura).
somewhere around this time is when i noticed that my epidural catheter at fallen out.  i notified the nurse.  she went to talk to her supervisor, then came back and said they were going to call anesthesia to come back to check because they'd never seen this happen.  of course!  anesthesia came up and replaced the catheter, but it did not seem to take.  i pushed the button several times but nothing really happened.  was feeling pretty much everything at this point.
-8:15pm - dr. klemens checked.  4cm, 90%, -1 station.  manually broke water bag.
-9pm - 7cm.  feeling intense pressure and need to push.  started to push.
-11:46pm - delivery!  dr. klemens used the vacuum to assist.  he got stuck in between contractions (i thought i was going to split open - it was so painful.  i wanted to keep pushing but dr. klemens told me to wait - continuing to push would have been useless and just made me too exhausted and potentially cause a really bad tear).  one more contraction, and he was out.  he wasn't breathing when he came out.  treated in the in-suite nicu setup by nicu team.  given o2 and started breathing on his own after about a minute.  once i was stitched up and he was stabilized, they brought him over for a brief snuggle before taking him to the nursery to monitor for 4 hours.
-2am - transferred to maternity.  daxon stayed in nursery overnight until about 6am.

am i ready...

it's 12:27am on wednesday morning.  tonight we check into the hospital to begin the induction process.  i tried to sleep but couldn't, so i'm back downstairs, watching a documentary about the great barrier reef and drinking warm milk.  i am at once excited and absolutely.fucking.terrified.

matt and i laid down in bed tonight and held each other, trying to relish our last few minutes of just us, the 2 of us, where it all started.  and i had to go and ruin the moment by starting to cry.  matt just held my hand and wiped my tears until i could finally verbalize..."all of a sudden, i'm really scared."  and that's when the real waterworks started.  he tried to reassure me, "you'll do great tomorrow."  but it's not just labor and delivery that i'm afraid of.  what if the nurses hand me the baby and i don't feel anything?  what if i just sit there and look at him and my only thought is, "i have no idea what the hell i'm doing here?"  what if i mess it all up?  what if i'm a terrible mother?  suddenly i feel completely inadequate and unprepared. 

sure, i've readied the nursery.  we have all the necessary stuff for bringing a baby home.  but do i have what it takes to raise a child?  do i have the perseverance to deal with breastfeeding issues?  will i be able to breastfeed at all?  will i ever truly understand what his cries mean and how to meet his needs?  will i be loving and responsive enough that he feels secure, but not overly smothering so that he never gains independence or learns to self-soothe?  will i be able to nurture his development?  will i be fun?  will i be able to help him with his homework? 

being a mom is a serious undertaking, and so many times i've questioned whether or not i'm ready.  i guess i don't have a choice, at this point.  he'll be here sometime within the next 48 hours (god willing!), and he'll be mine.  mine and matt's.  he'll be ours.  we'll be a family.  our own tiny little family. 

wow.  it's all so overwhelming....

reasons why i love my chiropractor

i started seeing a chiropractor in november or december (i honestly don't remember when my first appointment was).  it was recommended to me by a couple of friends who i'd complained about my back pain to, and also several of the bees on hellobee were singing the praises of their chiropractors.  so even though i'd always been skeptical of chiros, i thought i'd give it a chance.  i knew i wanted to find someone who specialized in prenatal chiropractics because i know that we preggos have special needs and circumstances, and that our bodies may not be able to handle the rigors of "normal" chiropractics.  so i googled "prenatal chiropractor, abington, pa."  that brought up a list of a few in the area, but in perusing their websites i realized they weren't exactly what i was looking for.  well, one was, but when i read that they don't bill insurance, they were out.  i modified my search from abington to philadelphia, and about the 5th hit down i found the icpa website (international chiropractic pediatric association).  the first name on the list for the philadelphia search was the same one i'd already found who didn't take insurance.  the second name was dr. tara at hatboro family wellness.  as i looked over her website, i felt like i had found what i was looking for.  it seemed like she practiced from a holistic approach, treating not only the body but also the body's connection to the mind and overall wellness.  so i called and scheduled my intake assessment.

she spent 1 1/2 hours with me at  my initial appointment.  we went over everything - my medical history, my family history, my social history, my emotional history...it was incredibly comprehensive.  and then, after all that, she did the actual exam.  she discovered that i have a mild scoliosis.  she also discovered (as had my neurologist) that i have a slight head tilt to the left, and therefore my right muscles work extra hard to correct that.  and i have a leg-length discrepancy, in that my right leg is longer than my left (my right hip sits lower). anyway, given my assessment, and the fact that i was in excruciating pain on a near-daily basis, i was excited to get my treatment started.

i see dr. tara anywhere from 1-3 times a week, depending on my schedule and how i'm feeling (there have been a couple of times that i've cancelled my appointment because i've just been too freaking tired to make the drive - it's 15-20 minutes).  at each session, i start face-up and she does some neck adjustments.  then i flip to my stomach (using a special pillow with a hole in it for my belly) and she does some more adjustments to my back, and during the past few sessions she's also started focusing a lot on my sacrum and pubic bone, which feels awesome.  then i sit up and she gently massages my neck and back.  i don't always notice a difference right away, but definitely the next day i feel looser, less painful, and like i have a little bit more energy.

but that's not the only reason i like her.  at every session, she asks me a question regarding my overall wellness.  a few times it was just to tell her one thing that made me feel good that day.  given that it was the end of the year, she asked me once what accomplishment i was most proud of.  with the new year, she asked me what my resolutions are (but totally understood that resolutions hadn't even crossed my mind, what-with all the baby thoughts taking up space in my brain).  we've talked a lot about labor and delivery, too.  given that she's from this holistic point of view, she's very crunchy - more crunchy than i am.  she had her 2 babies at home with no medications - not even an option for medication.  i'm pretty sure she doesn't believe in vaccinations, though i've avoided that topic with her because i am such a strong proponent for vaccines.

last night, she asked me what is the central theme to my thoughts regarding labor and delivery.  my answer was that i really hope i can do it without medication.  i really mean all medication, but we focused mostly on pain medication last night.  she asked me why i have such a concern about it, and if i was getting pressure from anyone to use medication.  i'm not, though it is discouraging to have my friends look at me like i have 85 heads when i tell them that i hope to go med-free.  matt fully supports my decision to go without, and my doctors seem to be willing to go along with whatever i want, though i do need to discuss this more in-depth with them at our next appointment.  i'm more afraid that my body or more specifically that i won't be able to handle it.  so she reminded me that one of the biggest weapons that women have to manage labor is relaxation techniques, and asked me what thoughts i had about relaxation.  i told her that i think one of the biggest things for me will be music - music has always been a huge part of my life, and i can use music to transport me away from situations, to ease my mind, to pump me up - whatever i need, music has always been there for me.  i told her that i've been working on creating a labor and delivery playlist with calming, soothing music to help me turn inward and focus on myself.  i also am creating another playlist with just instrumental, relaxing music (mostly movie soundtrack music) - that is what helped me fall asleep during hurricane tomas on our honeymoon - i plugged in my earbuds and turned on the harry potter soundtrack to drown out the wind.  i've thought about making a more upbeat, motivational list for when it comes time to push, too, but i don't really want baby to enter the world the sounds of something like "sexyback," by justin timberlake.  i think creating a push playlist would take a lot more creativity and thought than my relaxing playlist, and i just don't have the energy for that.  maybe when i'm home on maternity leave (if baby doesn't come before i start) i'll work on it. 

she said that music worked really well for her, and at one point during her labor she actually had her husband take her ipod of the dock and just hand her her earbuds so she could fully drown out the noise around her.  i don't think i would hesitate to do that, honestly.  i know what music does for me, and i know that would probably help me a lot. 

then we started talking about other relaxation techniques.  she asked me if there was any position that i'd practiced or found that helped, and i told her that in our childbirth class we'd learned several, and i had found that the most effective one for me was to sit facing matt, with my head on his chest, while he rubs my neck, back, and arms.  another one that worked was when we stood facing each other, and i put my arms around his neck and just kind of hung there while we rocked back and forth and he rubbed my back.  she also reminded me about gentle touch, and that oftentimes women find that very soothing.  one of my favorite things is when matt lightly strokes the inside of my arm, so i will definitely have to keep that in mind.

i am so glad she brought that topic up and we talked about it.  it made me feel a zillion times more confident, realizing that i do have several effective relaxation techniques in my arsenal.

now i just have to get over - or better yet face - my fear of induction...