planning for a trip home

next week, daxon and i are packing up and heading home for a long weekend.  it is my annual spa day with my mom and sister (which i am not-so-secretly really excited for - a one hour, baby-free, chocolate massage and lunch with excellent company), plus we are throwing callie's baby shower and a "surprise" 30th birthday party!  "surprise" because she actually knows about it, but the guests don't know she knows about it.  we couldn't decide if surprising her was a good idea, so my brother-in-law told her about it. 

anyway, daxon and i will be going home either wednesday night or thursday morning.  our spa day is thursday, starting at 11 (we'll have to be there around 10:30).  matt will come home friday night.  the baby shower and birthday party are on saturday.  so that's 4 days to pack for.  here is all the stuff that we "need" for daxon:

• swaddle blanket (probably take 2, sometimes he spits up in the middle of the night)
• white noise machine (luckily this runs on batteries)
• pump and supplies
• frozen milk (more to follow)
• bottles
• pack and play
• stroller
• wipes
• 4 days of outfits (plus another couple for potential diaper blowouts)
• 4 days of diapers (i'll probably just take a whole pack)
• boppy
• diaper bag

do i take his tub?  probably not - we'll just bathe him in the sink or something.  we'll figure it out.  do i take the rock and play, so he has somewhere to hang out while we're all downstairs?  or do we just take the pack and play up and down the stairs?  that seems like a huge pain in the ass, and the rock and play is so small and easily transportable.

as for nursing/pumping/feeding.  like i said, our spa day is thursday.  we will probably leave the house at 10, and i probably won't get home till 3 or 4 (i have a haircut scheduled for after the spa).  i will nurse him before we leave (around 9).  in that time frame, he'll need at least 2 bottles, but i want to have 3 ready for him.  he eats about 3oz at each feeding, so that's 9oz right there.  then on saturday, matt is going to take him over to his parents' house during the shower, so he'll need at least 1 bottle, but again, i'd like to have 2 ready, just in case, so that's another 6oz.  i can escape and nurse him during the birthday party, cuz we'll be back together for that.  oh, and then friday night, we might go out for drinks with some friends, so i'll need a bottle for a night feeding.  so i need 21oz, which i have in my freezer already, but it's more than half my current supply.  i mean, i'll pump after the spa and before my haircut (i can't go that long without pumping or nursing - holy painful boobies!), and each morning/night like i already am.  so do i take the 21oz frozen, or do i take like 14oz frozen and then supplement with the fresh stuff?  i think i might just take the whole 21oz frozen and then freeze whatever i pump while i'm there, because who knows how much i'll get pumping while away - my supply may take a hit from the stress or whatever

did you follow any of that?  my next dilemma - when we do take the trip?  the trip home i'm not worried about - we'll head home during his afternoon nap (not that we have a real afternoon naptime, but he'll sleep when we put him in the car, and that'll be his naptime).  but for the trip to hershey.  if we leave wednesday night, i can put him in the car for his evening "nap," then put him to bed when we get there - get him in the house, let him say hi to fritz and gigi while i set up the pack and play, then nurse him and put him down.  my concern with this is that he's so fussy in the evenings and cluster feeds, i don't know if the car ride will be enough to keep him calm.  if we leave thursday morning, we could leave when he first wakes up, i can nurse him when we get home, and then head out to the spa.  again, though, he sometimes cluster feeds in the mornings, so would the car ride be enough to keep him calm?  ugh...decisions, decisions. 

any thoughts or tips?  good lord, i'm going to need a separate suitcase just for daxon's stuff!  ha ha.  man, traveling with a baby.  totally different experience!!

reasons why i love my chiropractor

i started seeing a chiropractor in november or december (i honestly don't remember when my first appointment was).  it was recommended to me by a couple of friends who i'd complained about my back pain to, and also several of the bees on hellobee were singing the praises of their chiropractors.  so even though i'd always been skeptical of chiros, i thought i'd give it a chance.  i knew i wanted to find someone who specialized in prenatal chiropractics because i know that we preggos have special needs and circumstances, and that our bodies may not be able to handle the rigors of "normal" chiropractics.  so i googled "prenatal chiropractor, abington, pa."  that brought up a list of a few in the area, but in perusing their websites i realized they weren't exactly what i was looking for.  well, one was, but when i read that they don't bill insurance, they were out.  i modified my search from abington to philadelphia, and about the 5th hit down i found the icpa website (international chiropractic pediatric association).  the first name on the list for the philadelphia search was the same one i'd already found who didn't take insurance.  the second name was dr. tara at hatboro family wellness.  as i looked over her website, i felt like i had found what i was looking for.  it seemed like she practiced from a holistic approach, treating not only the body but also the body's connection to the mind and overall wellness.  so i called and scheduled my intake assessment.

she spent 1 1/2 hours with me at  my initial appointment.  we went over everything - my medical history, my family history, my social history, my emotional history...it was incredibly comprehensive.  and then, after all that, she did the actual exam.  she discovered that i have a mild scoliosis.  she also discovered (as had my neurologist) that i have a slight head tilt to the left, and therefore my right muscles work extra hard to correct that.  and i have a leg-length discrepancy, in that my right leg is longer than my left (my right hip sits lower). anyway, given my assessment, and the fact that i was in excruciating pain on a near-daily basis, i was excited to get my treatment started.

i see dr. tara anywhere from 1-3 times a week, depending on my schedule and how i'm feeling (there have been a couple of times that i've cancelled my appointment because i've just been too freaking tired to make the drive - it's 15-20 minutes).  at each session, i start face-up and she does some neck adjustments.  then i flip to my stomach (using a special pillow with a hole in it for my belly) and she does some more adjustments to my back, and during the past few sessions she's also started focusing a lot on my sacrum and pubic bone, which feels awesome.  then i sit up and she gently massages my neck and back.  i don't always notice a difference right away, but definitely the next day i feel looser, less painful, and like i have a little bit more energy.

but that's not the only reason i like her.  at every session, she asks me a question regarding my overall wellness.  a few times it was just to tell her one thing that made me feel good that day.  given that it was the end of the year, she asked me once what accomplishment i was most proud of.  with the new year, she asked me what my resolutions are (but totally understood that resolutions hadn't even crossed my mind, what-with all the baby thoughts taking up space in my brain).  we've talked a lot about labor and delivery, too.  given that she's from this holistic point of view, she's very crunchy - more crunchy than i am.  she had her 2 babies at home with no medications - not even an option for medication.  i'm pretty sure she doesn't believe in vaccinations, though i've avoided that topic with her because i am such a strong proponent for vaccines.

last night, she asked me what is the central theme to my thoughts regarding labor and delivery.  my answer was that i really hope i can do it without medication.  i really mean all medication, but we focused mostly on pain medication last night.  she asked me why i have such a concern about it, and if i was getting pressure from anyone to use medication.  i'm not, though it is discouraging to have my friends look at me like i have 85 heads when i tell them that i hope to go med-free.  matt fully supports my decision to go without, and my doctors seem to be willing to go along with whatever i want, though i do need to discuss this more in-depth with them at our next appointment.  i'm more afraid that my body or more specifically that i won't be able to handle it.  so she reminded me that one of the biggest weapons that women have to manage labor is relaxation techniques, and asked me what thoughts i had about relaxation.  i told her that i think one of the biggest things for me will be music - music has always been a huge part of my life, and i can use music to transport me away from situations, to ease my mind, to pump me up - whatever i need, music has always been there for me.  i told her that i've been working on creating a labor and delivery playlist with calming, soothing music to help me turn inward and focus on myself.  i also am creating another playlist with just instrumental, relaxing music (mostly movie soundtrack music) - that is what helped me fall asleep during hurricane tomas on our honeymoon - i plugged in my earbuds and turned on the harry potter soundtrack to drown out the wind.  i've thought about making a more upbeat, motivational list for when it comes time to push, too, but i don't really want baby to enter the world the sounds of something like "sexyback," by justin timberlake.  i think creating a push playlist would take a lot more creativity and thought than my relaxing playlist, and i just don't have the energy for that.  maybe when i'm home on maternity leave (if baby doesn't come before i start) i'll work on it. 

she said that music worked really well for her, and at one point during her labor she actually had her husband take her ipod of the dock and just hand her her earbuds so she could fully drown out the noise around her.  i don't think i would hesitate to do that, honestly.  i know what music does for me, and i know that would probably help me a lot. 

then we started talking about other relaxation techniques.  she asked me if there was any position that i'd practiced or found that helped, and i told her that in our childbirth class we'd learned several, and i had found that the most effective one for me was to sit facing matt, with my head on his chest, while he rubs my neck, back, and arms.  another one that worked was when we stood facing each other, and i put my arms around his neck and just kind of hung there while we rocked back and forth and he rubbed my back.  she also reminded me about gentle touch, and that oftentimes women find that very soothing.  one of my favorite things is when matt lightly strokes the inside of my arm, so i will definitely have to keep that in mind.

i am so glad she brought that topic up and we talked about it.  it made me feel a zillion times more confident, realizing that i do have several effective relaxation techniques in my arsenal.

now i just have to get over - or better yet face - my fear of induction...

our "controversial" decision - part 2

so in the first post, i told you about our cloth diaper workshop.  i went over the differences between cloth and disposable diapers, and the care of cloth diapers.

one thing i forgot to mention - what do you do with the cloth diapers between washes?  jessica recommended 24 diapers, which would be about a 3-day wash cycle.  in between washes, you toss the dirty diaper into a wet bag.  the wet bag is lined with a (pba-free) plastic lining.  when you're ready to wash, you just dump in the diapers, turn the bag inside out, and throw that in the wash, too.  there are apparently cloth diaper pails that you can purchase, but for about $20 cheaper, you can pick up a plastic trash can at target that works just as well.  the important part is the wet bag.  for cloth diapering out and about, you just get a smaller wet bag that you carry in the diaper bag.  done.

ok, so now, the different kinds of cloth diapers.  this is where you can get a little head-spinny.  there are a ton of brands out there and it can be a little confusing to wade through it all.  so jessica broke it down into 4 categories, ignoring the brands for the most part.  it's much easier to shop by type than by brand.

first up, prefolds and covers.  prefolds are simply absorbent cotton diapers (the kind that most people picture when picturing cloth diapers - the white things that used to be attached with pins).  you fold up the diaper and lay it inside of a waterproof cover.  the waterproof cover is then folded up over baby and put on just like a disposable diaper.  so when you change the baby, you simply pull out the prefold, lay another one in, and buckle up - you can reuse the same cover all day long.  the advantages to this system are that it's the least expensive, by far - you can easily build a diaper stockpile for less than $200.  this will also probably last the longest - jessica said you can easily make the covers last for 2 or even 3 kids.  you may need to replace some of the cloth diapers along the way, but the covers should last for a looooong time.  the disadvantage is that since these are simply cotton diapers, they do not "wick away" moisture like some of the more expensive types of diapers.  so baby feels uncomfortably wet more quickly.  the upside of this is that kids in prefolds are often potty trained much earlier in life - her daughter was potty trained at 18 months because she hated feeling wet! 

next up, fitted diapers.  these are essentially just cotton or wool diapers, like the old-fashioned ones, but they come with velcro or snaps instead of pins.  they are super thick (so that they can be absorbent without leaking through) and seem like they'd be really warm on baby.  and again, they are do not wick away moisture.  they are also not waterproof, so you'd either need to buy covers or just make sure you're changing frequently enough so that the liquid doesn't soak through and ruin clothing, furniture, etc.  we ruled this option out immediately.

now we jump up pretty significantly in price to the pocket diapers.  a pocket diaper is a diaper and cover attached together.  the inner fabric is water-wicking, so baby doesn't feel wet.  but it is not absorbent on it's own - you must slide an absorbent insert into a pocket in the diaper to catch the liquid.  so when changing the baby, you take the whole thing off, pull the insert out, and put both (separate pieces) into the wet bag.  i'm honestly not sure what the advantage of the pocket diaper is.  especially when, for not much more money, you can upgrade to the final type of diaper...

the all-in-one (aio).  the all-in-one is exactly what it sounds like - waterproof cover, absorbent insert, and water-wicking lining all in one.  you change it just like you change a regular diaper.  it is definitely the most expensive option at about $20 per diaper, but the convenience factor makes it extremely attractive.

after much discussion and going back and forth about prefolds vs all-in-ones, matt and i have decided to go with the aios.  we think it will be easier on daycare, and easier on our parents when they babysit.  if one of us were staying at home, we'd probably do the prefolds and then just buy disposables for when we're out and about or when we have a babysitter.  but since baby boy will be in daycare full-time, and we want them to like us, we thought the all-in-ones would be a better option.  again, i've done a ton of research and it sounds like bumgenius is the hands-down winner, so we'll be stocking up on about 24 bumgenius freetime one-size aios.  it says one-size, meaning it can fit from 8 pounds through potty training, but jessica (and many other bloggers) said she doesn't think they fit very well until about 10 or 12 pounds.  so we plan to use disposables when baby is a newborn until he's up to 10-12 pounds.  it will be better anyway, because the cloth diapers can irritate the umbilical cord/belly button site, and we'd also have to be careful with his circumcision - you can't get vaseline on a cloth diaper or it affects the absorbency.

we'll be getting 4 wet bags - 2 diaper pail liners (so there is always one in the diaper pail, even when we're doing laundry), and 2 smaller ones for day care.  at the end of each day of day care, we'll empty out the wet bag, spray it with bac-out (an antibacterial spray), and reuse it for a few days.  we'll also get some rice paper liners. 

we've decided not to register for any of our cloth diapers or cloth diaper accessories because, to be honest, i don't want to hear people tell me how crazy/stupid/foolish/etc we are for choosing this.  we've already heard it from a number of people, and i just don't want to hear it about it all day at the shower.  after attending the workshop, matt and i feel pretty confident that this is something we can handle.  it will be more work, but we're willing to do it if it means that baby will be healthier and our carbon footprint will be a little bit smaller.

plus, have you seen baby butts in cloth diapers?  so.cute.

our "controversial" decision

as i became an avid reader of baby blogs, and a frequent board poster on hellobee, i have found myself drawn to the idea of cloth diapering.  yeah, you read that right - cloth diapering.  call me crazy, call me a hippie, call me whatever you want.  it's something that i've been really interested in and done a lot of reading and research on.  i devoured every single thing i could find about cloth diapering.  i researched the various kinds of cloth diapers available, the care of cloth diapers, the cost of cloth diapers....i poured myself into it.

i talked to matt about it and he thought i was nuts.  i forwarded him several of my links and he started to come around, but still thought it would be harder than i thought.

finally, i found a small local store, the nesting house, that sells cloth diapers.  i thought it would be good to go and put our hands on the products and talk to someone at the store.  and then!  i found out that once a month they have a cloth diaper class!  for free, you go and spend 2 hours learning all about cloth diapers.  they have samples of products to see.  i told matt about it and we decided to go check it out.

so on saturday afternoon, we ventured into crunchy little mt. airy, a small neighborhood of philadelphia, and sat down with about a dozen other couples and/or mamas-to-be and got a full tutorial on cloth diapers.

our instructor, jessica (i think?) was really nice, super knowledgeable, and crazy thorough.  she broke class down into 3 parts - comparing cloth vs disposable diapers, caring for cloth diapers, and then she went over all the different kinds of cloth diapers. 

first, comparing cloth versus disposable.  cloth is significantly cheaper than disposable.  yes, it's a big cost out-right, but in the long run, it saves you a ton of money.  using disposable diapers for one child for 2.5 years - from birth till potty training - will cost you approximately $2000, if you use average-cost diapers.  cloth diapers, on the other hand, can range anywhere from $150-$800, depending on the type of diapering system you choose.  that is an up-front, one-time cost, but then that's it.  if you choose to strictly cloth diaper, with no inserts or anything else, the only on-going costs you have are for the laundry - your water and electricity bills, laundry detergent, etc.

cost aside, cloth diapering has a much smaller environmental impact.  it takes approximately the same amount of energy to create a cloth diaper as to create a disposable, but it is cotton versus paper, and the cotton industry is a much cleaner industry than paper (have you ever smelled a paper factory?  ugh).  waste-wise, there is no comparison.  if you took all the disposable diapers you used for one child, it would fill a space the size of the room we were in on saturday - about 20x15x12 feet.  the space used by cloth diapers would be about 3x3x3 feet.  the only category where disposable diapers wins here is in water consumption, as it takes very little water to create a disposable diaper, whereas with cloth, water is being consumed not only in production but also in cleaning.  and then health-wise, cloth diapering wins pretty easily again.  disposable diapers are filled with wood pulp, which in and of itself is not terribly absorbent.  so they inject this gel made of sodium polyacrylate to help soak up the liquid in the diaper - this is what makes disposables not feel wet against baby's skin.  the problem here?  sodium polyacrylate has been named one of the top 10 most toxic substances on the planet.  truth is, most of the time, it doesn't directly come in contact with baby's skin, so that's why it hasn't been pulled out of diapers like it has with tampons and other products.  but if baby really soaks his diaper, it can sometimes push that gel out to the edge and can come out of the diaper.  yuck.  cloth diapers are made from cotton, hemp, and sometimes microfiber.  and though there is not a single stitch of natural fiber to be found in microfiber, i'd still rather have that against baby's butt than toxic gel crystals.

so there was that.  the next section of the workshop was caring for cloth diapers.  i have to admit, this is the part that had me nervous - i really wasn't sure we'd be able to handle the constant laundry, buying the special detergent, "stripping" the diapers, etc.  oh, and of course, the whole "putting poop in your laundry machine" thing.  it seemed like it could be overwhelming for 2 full-time working parents.  here's what we learned that helped us feel much better about it.  number one, you don't need a special "cloth diaper" detergent.  there are detergents and soaps that are specifically created for laundering cloth diapers (charlie's rock soap, bumgenius diaper detergent), but it turns out, you can totally get by without using them.  jessica said there is a pretty big list of "regular" detergent that is safe, but off the top of her head she knew that tide free and clear is approved for use for cloth diapers.  in fact, pretty much any "free and clear" kind of detergent is fine.  number two, well...number two.  i had read that when breastfeeding, baby's poo is pretty liquidy and therefore the cloth diapers can just be thrown into the wash, just like if he'd just peed in it.  but once they start eating solids, it's a whole other ball game.  the only thing i'd ever heard of was to get one of these diaper sprayers that attach to your toilet, spray the solid poo into the toilet, then put the diaper in the laundry.  sounds groddy.  but jessica told us about rice paper inserts, that you just lay inside the diaper.  liquids pass through, but solids are held in place, so you just lift out the insert, throw it in the trash, and then throw the diaper in the laundry.  easy-peasy.  number three, stripping shouldn't be necessary as long as you're careful about what you're using (as far as diaper rash cream, etc).  boom.  matt and i both felt loads better after this.

this is getting long, so in the next post, i'll tell you about the different kinds of diapers, what we chose, and why we chose it.  and then i'll tell you why we're planning to purchase our cloth diapers and cloth diaper supplies ourselves rather than register for them (namely, people are rude). 

daycare

this past week, we sat down and looked at our finances to figure out what would work for us as far as childcare.  matt thought/hoped there would be a way that he could be a stay-at-home-dad while we lived off of my salary, but when we sat down to look at our finances and figure out a baby budget, we realized there was no way that would work.  we looked into him working part-time and only utilizing daycare part-time, but that still didn't really make sense for us.  the thing that seems to work best is both of us continuing to work full-time while the baby goes to daycare.  i know there are a lot of parents out there that hate the idea of daycare, of someone else raising their children.  but i grew up in daycare and i think it did me a lot of good.  it taught me about sharing.  it taught me about helping to take care of people.  i learned to look out for the little guy in daycare.  it made me more social.  and i never once remember feeling like the daycare providers were my "real" parents.  i always knew who mom and dad were.  there was never any confusion for me. 

so since matt and i both had off the friday before the 4th, we decided that would be a good time to tour some daycares and start making some decisions.  yes, it's early.  but we live in a big suburb outside of a huge city.  daycares fill up quickly, and we didn't want to risk finding a daycare we loved only to be told there were no spots available.  there were 6 places that we wanted to see, and 5 of them were able to see us that friday.  so we spent our day off driving around and touring daycares. 

based on some posts on hellobee and also a checklist on one of the daycare's websites, i came up with a standard list of questions that we would make sure we asked or got the answers to at each daycare.  once we saw all of them, we put everything into a spreadsheet to compare.  here is the list of questions we used:

1. what is the cost per week/month?  
2. what are your hours?  how much do you charge if i'm late to pick up my child?
3. what is a typical day like?
4. what is the adult to child ratio?
5. does each child have their own cubby?  crib?
6.  how often do you sterilize changing tables and toys?
7. what is your policy regarding sick kids?  when do you call us and when do you send them home?
8. do i have to pay for days my child is sick or on vacation?
9. what holidays are you closed?
10. can i make unannounced visits?  is there a place for me to nurse?
11. what are your security measures?  how will my child be checked in and out?
12.  does the staff have first aid training?  infant and child cpr?
13. does the staff go through background checks?
14. do you do cloth diapering?

those were our initial questions.  we had some others on the list that we found weren't very helpful and would be more appropriate for when we actually choose a place, like asking about immunization policies, billing procedures, and providing notice for switching daycares.  we also found along the way a few questions to add, in particular if they offer before-and-after school programs and if they provide transportation to/from our child's school in particular.

we found a few questions had pretty standard answers, especially if the program is state-certified and a member of the keystone stars program.  for example, state law mandates that in infant rooms, the adult to child ratio must be no higher than 1:4.  it also mandates that all staff have first aid training and that at least 1 in 5 staff have cpr training.  it also mandates that all staff have child abuse clearances and fbi criminal history checks.  we still asked at every daycare, because some go a step further than state law and certify all their staff in cpr, and also include fingerprinting in their background checks. 

we saw 5 daycares on our day off and had a definite front-runner, though it was more expensive than we expected, at $273/week ($1092/month).  our 2nd favorite (program-wise) was only $4 cheaper per month, but we didn't get a great vibe from the staff we met.  the 2 others were either out of our budget ($1118/month) or more affordable ($1044/month) but really inconveniently located.  the only one that was more in line with our budget at $245/week ($980/month) was also our least favorite of the bunch - it is in a community center, so there is literally no security - the doors are open to the public all day long.  it made me very uneasy.  we were able to work out a budget so that we could afford our top choice, but it would have meant making some sacrifices (which is totally fine) and it still would have been tight some months.  but we had one more place to see on thursday evening.  i had gotten a really good feeling just from my phone conversation with this place, so i was feeling very hopeful.

turns out, that last place was the winner.  when you line them all up and compare them all, it would be our 2nd favorite, but it is the least expensive of all of them at $225/week ($900/month).  we only met 2 staff because it was 6pm and most of the kids had gone home already, but they were both really nice (plus the one i spoke to on the phone, who was fantastic).  it is education-focused, which is what we wanted.  they run a before-and-after school program and provide transportation to and from what will be our child's elementary school.  they take field trips with the kids starting at age 3 (this week, they went to the aquarium!).  and their late pick-up policy was the cheapest around, too - $0.50 per minute after your scheduled pickup time, and $1/minute after closing.  most of the other places were $20/15 minutes, starting at a minute late.  oh, and they also do cloth diapering, which most of the other places won't do.

i plan to call on monday to start enrolling the baby there.  if you live in the abington area and have questions about our experiences, please feel free to email me - i'd be more than happy to send you our spreadsheet or answer any questions.  it was a daunting process, and i'm so glad we found a place that meets our financial needs as well as the baby's needs.  i think this will be a great place for baby ike to grow up in! 

daycare

matt and i have talked a lot about our plans for what we'll do when a baby arrives and we have to go to work.  for me, i've never really even considered the idea of being a stay-at-home mom.  it just doesn't seem like something i would enjoy, to be honest.  i mean, i'm sure being home and spending all that time with your child is wonderful, but i like my job and - more importantly - i like being able to get out of the house and engage in stimulating, adult conversation.  that's not to say that adult conversation isn't possible for a sahm, as you can obviously have playdates and join mommy and me classes and whatnot.  but i like the people that i work with and - as much as this job stresses me out and makes me nuts - i'd miss doing what i do every day.  not to mention, being a sahm mom isn't just staying at home and playing with the kid.  there are chores to do and errands to run...it's a lot of work!  so, yeah, that's not really for me.

matt has hinted at being a stay-at-home dad, which i'm fine with.  financially, i think it would be a bit of a struggle, but probably no more so than it will be for the first few years with a child in daycare.  daycare is expensive, and sometimes it's just not worth spending more than 1/2 of one of your salaries on it.  we'll have to sit down and do the math, but it may just about even out and make having a sahp be more worth it.   but if it is, matt will probably be the sahp, not me. 

source

in my mind, the answer has always been daycare.  it's a no-brainer for me.  i grew up in daycare.  i went from the time i was 6 weeks old until i was (i think) 11.  and my sister was in it with me until she was (i think) 7.  and both of us turned out ok. 

i've heard and read that a lot of women don't want to put their kids in daycare because they worry that their child will feel abandoned.  they worry that they won't get enough time with their kids.  they worry that they'll miss out on important milestones.  and some of that may be true.  but as a product of the daycare world, i can tell you that i never once felt abandoned by my parents.  i never once felt like they didn't want to be with me.  i never once felt like they missed anything.  at least, i don't remember ever feeling any of that.  sure, maybe i did when i was, like, 2, but obviously the feeling didn't stick around long and it certainly didn't scar me for life.  i have no attachment issues.  my mom traveled a lot for work when we were younger and i still don't feel like she missed out on anything.  i remember her always being there for the important things - school plays, dance recitals (and the dress rehearsals), piano recitals, synchronized swimming shows and competitions, cheerleading tryouts.  she was there when it counted, and that's what i remember. 

i think as long as your children get a sense that you care and that you'll be there for them, they'll make it through daycare just fine.  daycare provides socialization opportunities for your child that a few playdates and mommy and me classes a week just can't match.  it exposes them to germs, and builds up their immune systems.  it also, i think, encourages independence. 

what are your thoughts on daycare?  what drove your decisions to do daycare vs. sahp?

making the decision

making the decision to get pregnant.  when would be the right time?  when will we be ready?  are we really ready?  how serious do we want to be with trying?  should i be tracking things?  should i quit drinking?  should we tell our families that we're trying?  should we tell anyone?  lots of questions burned in my mind as matt and i started talking more seriously about when to start our family. 

our baby-making discussions start happening, in earnest, sometime over the summer.  we were planning a trip to florday in the fall for our anniversary.  my parents own a house in the villages (an enormous "active adult" retirement community about an hour north of orlando).  we toyed with the idea of starting to TTC around that time, but then we also were talking about a trip to italy in the spring.  so it was kind of settled that we would start during/after that trip.  but the more we talked about it, the more we realized that a) italy was going to make us rather poor and b) we were ready to get started sooner.  i had always thought that i would be the one who wanted to start sooner rather than later, but one night we were talking and matt just said "i want to have a baby.  soon.  i'm ready."  after i cried, we went back to talking about the fall.  we decided that i would go off my birth control pills the cycle before our vacation.

i'm not going to lie.  i had apprehension about this.  if i went off the pill, can i drink on our vacation?  can i go on rollercoasters?  are we gambling with this possible new little life by doing these things?  should we wait until after vacation?  after researching and talking to a friend, i decided that the odds of getting pregnant a week or two after stopping the pill were pretty slim.  also, i figured out that i would be ovulating right smack in the middle of our vacation, so...prime romantic opportunities!  ha ha.  i decided it was a safe bet to go off the pill and get started on our TTC.

but then i started looking into the future a few months.  if i got pregnant on vacation, i'd be still "newly" pregnant (ie, not telling anyone the news yet) for the holidays.  as it is, we already get harassed about our baby plans.  if i were to show up at a family function and not drink, i'd be toast.  on the one or two occasions i've passed on alcohol at family functions (headache, driving, what-have-you), i've been harassed.  oh, and i'm a terrible liar.  especially when i'm trying to lie about something that i'm really excited about.  terrible.  i thought about waiting till after the holidays.  but the more we talked about it, the more we realized we didn't want to put it off.  and we decided we'd just lie - make up fake drinks for me, say i have to drive, say i'm not feeling well, etc.  we'd pull it off. 

so october rolled around.  at the beginning of the month i finished my last pack of pills.  i double-checked with matt that we were ready.  he assured me it was the right time.  and so began our adventures in TTC...