my maternity leave - and time home with daxon - officially ended on wednesday. it was a sad day. i cried about it starting on sunday afternoon (thanks, mom, for bringing it up at easter brunch!), and then several times all the way up through getting on the train wednesday morning. but once i got that final cry out on the train, i was fine. and you know what? coming back wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it would be. i have been told several times by almost everyone i work with that they are glad to see me back and that i was missed while i was out. that's kind of a nice thing to hear, especially since when i'm actually at work, no one ever says, "hey, you're doing a great job and we really value you." my floor is as busy as ever, and i jumped right in and was off and running from the minute i walked in the door. that has probably helped with the transition, since i haven't had time to sit around and miss daxon.
but the biggest thing? i feel more like myself than i have in a long time. i love daxon, obviously, and my time with him is the most important thing in the world. but it is really nice to be back amongst adults, having real conversations. i can only take so much one-sided talk about poopy diapers. it's nice to be able to speak in a regular register, not all high-pitched and sing-songy.
and daycare reports that daxon is doing great. they said he doesn't cry much, and really just sits quietly and observes everything. he gets that from his daddy, for sure. he still isn't napping terribly well (3 30-minute-ish naps), but he's eating fine and is still in a pretty good mood when we get him home in the evening. after that first morning when he was up at 4, i've actually had to wake him up at 6 to nurse him and get him ready for the day. it pains me each time, but if i wait till he wakes up on his own, i'll be late myself.
we've changed his bedtime routine, now. it used to be that matt would give him a bottle around 6, then he'd play for a bit until around 8, at which point i would take him up, change his diaper, give him a massage and sing "lullaby," then nurse him to sleep. now i nurse him when i pick him up (around 6), he plays for a bit, and then around 7:45, matt takes him up for his bath while i get his bags ready for the next day. after his bath, i get him dressed for bed, and then we do the massage, lullaby, and nurse to sleep. this way, matt still gets some quality one-on-one time with him while i get things ready for the next morning so we're not rushing around. so far it seems like it's working well. we only bathe him every other night, so on nights we don't bathe him, he just stays downstairs with us a little bit longer.
Showing posts with label daycare. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daycare. Show all posts
Friday, April 5, 2013
Monday, July 9, 2012
daycare
this past week, we sat down and looked at our finances to figure out what would work for us as far as childcare. matt thought/hoped there would be a way that he could be a stay-at-home-dad while we lived off of my salary, but when we sat down to look at our finances and figure out a baby budget, we realized there was no way that would work. we looked into him working part-time and only utilizing daycare part-time, but that still didn't really make sense for us. the thing that seems to work best is both of us continuing to work full-time while the baby goes to daycare. i know there are a lot of parents out there that hate the idea of daycare, of someone else raising their children. but i grew up in daycare and i think it did me a lot of good. it taught me about sharing. it taught me about helping to take care of people. i learned to look out for the little guy in daycare. it made me more social. and i never once remember feeling like the daycare providers were my "real" parents. i always knew who mom and dad were. there was never any confusion for me.
so since matt and i both had off the friday before the 4th, we decided that would be a good time to tour some daycares and start making some decisions. yes, it's early. but we live in a big suburb outside of a huge city. daycares fill up quickly, and we didn't want to risk finding a daycare we loved only to be told there were no spots available. there were 6 places that we wanted to see, and 5 of them were able to see us that friday. so we spent our day off driving around and touring daycares.
based on some posts on hellobee and also a checklist on one of the daycare's websites, i came up with a standard list of questions that we would make sure we asked or got the answers to at each daycare. once we saw all of them, we put everything into a spreadsheet to compare. here is the list of questions we used:
we found a few questions had pretty standard answers, especially if the program is state-certified and a member of the keystone stars program. for example, state law mandates that in infant rooms, the adult to child ratio must be no higher than 1:4. it also mandates that all staff have first aid training and that at least 1 in 5 staff have cpr training. it also mandates that all staff have child abuse clearances and fbi criminal history checks. we still asked at every daycare, because some go a step further than state law and certify all their staff in cpr, and also include fingerprinting in their background checks.
we saw 5 daycares on our day off and had a definite front-runner, though it was more expensive than we expected, at $273/week ($1092/month). our 2nd favorite (program-wise) was only $4 cheaper per month, but we didn't get a great vibe from the staff we met. the 2 others were either out of our budget ($1118/month) or more affordable ($1044/month) but really inconveniently located. the only one that was more in line with our budget at $245/week ($980/month) was also our least favorite of the bunch - it is in a community center, so there is literally no security - the doors are open to the public all day long. it made me very uneasy. we were able to work out a budget so that we could afford our top choice, but it would have meant making some sacrifices (which is totally fine) and it still would have been tight some months. but we had one more place to see on thursday evening. i had gotten a really good feeling just from my phone conversation with this place, so i was feeling very hopeful.
turns out, that last place was the winner. when you line them all up and compare them all, it would be our 2nd favorite, but it is the least expensive of all of them at $225/week ($900/month). we only met 2 staff because it was 6pm and most of the kids had gone home already, but they were both really nice (plus the one i spoke to on the phone, who was fantastic). it is education-focused, which is what we wanted. they run a before-and-after school program and provide transportation to and from what will be our child's elementary school. they take field trips with the kids starting at age 3 (this week, they went to the aquarium!). and their late pick-up policy was the cheapest around, too - $0.50 per minute after your scheduled pickup time, and $1/minute after closing. most of the other places were $20/15 minutes, starting at a minute late. oh, and they also do cloth diapering, which most of the other places won't do.
i plan to call on monday to start enrolling the baby there. if you live in the abington area and have questions about our experiences, please feel free to email me - i'd be more than happy to send you our spreadsheet or answer any questions. it was a daunting process, and i'm so glad we found a place that meets our financial needs as well as the baby's needs. i think this will be a great place for baby ike to grow up in!
so since matt and i both had off the friday before the 4th, we decided that would be a good time to tour some daycares and start making some decisions. yes, it's early. but we live in a big suburb outside of a huge city. daycares fill up quickly, and we didn't want to risk finding a daycare we loved only to be told there were no spots available. there were 6 places that we wanted to see, and 5 of them were able to see us that friday. so we spent our day off driving around and touring daycares.
based on some posts on hellobee and also a checklist on one of the daycare's websites, i came up with a standard list of questions that we would make sure we asked or got the answers to at each daycare. once we saw all of them, we put everything into a spreadsheet to compare. here is the list of questions we used:
- what is the cost per week/month?
- what are your hours? how much do you charge if i'm late to pick up my child?
- what is a typical day like?
- what is the adult to child ratio?
- does each child have their own cubby? crib?
- how often do you sterilize changing tables and toys?
- what is your policy regarding sick kids? when do you call us and when do you send them home?
- do i have to pay for days my child is sick or on vacation?
- what holidays are you closed?
- can i make unannounced visits? is there a place for me to nurse?
- what are your security measures? how will my child be checked in and out?
- does the staff have first aid training? infant and child cpr?
- does the staff go through background checks?
- do you do cloth diapering?
we found a few questions had pretty standard answers, especially if the program is state-certified and a member of the keystone stars program. for example, state law mandates that in infant rooms, the adult to child ratio must be no higher than 1:4. it also mandates that all staff have first aid training and that at least 1 in 5 staff have cpr training. it also mandates that all staff have child abuse clearances and fbi criminal history checks. we still asked at every daycare, because some go a step further than state law and certify all their staff in cpr, and also include fingerprinting in their background checks.
we saw 5 daycares on our day off and had a definite front-runner, though it was more expensive than we expected, at $273/week ($1092/month). our 2nd favorite (program-wise) was only $4 cheaper per month, but we didn't get a great vibe from the staff we met. the 2 others were either out of our budget ($1118/month) or more affordable ($1044/month) but really inconveniently located. the only one that was more in line with our budget at $245/week ($980/month) was also our least favorite of the bunch - it is in a community center, so there is literally no security - the doors are open to the public all day long. it made me very uneasy. we were able to work out a budget so that we could afford our top choice, but it would have meant making some sacrifices (which is totally fine) and it still would have been tight some months. but we had one more place to see on thursday evening. i had gotten a really good feeling just from my phone conversation with this place, so i was feeling very hopeful.
turns out, that last place was the winner. when you line them all up and compare them all, it would be our 2nd favorite, but it is the least expensive of all of them at $225/week ($900/month). we only met 2 staff because it was 6pm and most of the kids had gone home already, but they were both really nice (plus the one i spoke to on the phone, who was fantastic). it is education-focused, which is what we wanted. they run a before-and-after school program and provide transportation to and from what will be our child's elementary school. they take field trips with the kids starting at age 3 (this week, they went to the aquarium!). and their late pick-up policy was the cheapest around, too - $0.50 per minute after your scheduled pickup time, and $1/minute after closing. most of the other places were $20/15 minutes, starting at a minute late. oh, and they also do cloth diapering, which most of the other places won't do.
i plan to call on monday to start enrolling the baby there. if you live in the abington area and have questions about our experiences, please feel free to email me - i'd be more than happy to send you our spreadsheet or answer any questions. it was a daunting process, and i'm so glad we found a place that meets our financial needs as well as the baby's needs. i think this will be a great place for baby ike to grow up in!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
time and the mommy wars
oy vey. you've all heard about this, right? the time magazine cover that's taken the world by storm. i'm not a mother yet, but i am deeply offended by the article. not by the 3-year-old standing on a chair at his mother's breast. i'm offended by the implication that women who don't adhere to the attachment parenting style of parenting aren't "mom enough." i'm saddened that this perpetuates and creates more competition among women to be better moms.
women and mothers have enough pressure on them internally to be good moms. and while i think that mommy blogs can be wonderful things, they can also be harmful. it's not hard to read what other women are doing and compare yourself to them. women blog about their babies' milestones and i'm sure it's difficult to read that if your child is the same age and hasn't hit that milestone yet. or seeing all the creative things that a mom is doing with her kids, while you feel like you're barely able to get through a day unscathed.
even as a newly-pregnant woman, i find myself comparing myself to other women. i have a friend who completely stopped drinking coffee and any kind of caffeinated drinks. for her entire pregnancy. she always said she knew that one or two cups every now and then is ok, but she "didn't want to take a chance." i, on the other hand, like my coffee. when matt and i started ttc, i switched to decaf, but i still drank it. since we got our bfp, i've switched to water during the week, but on the weekends, i fully intend to enjoy my cup of decaf coffee.. i'm also going to continue to enjoy iced tea if i feel the urge. but there is some little voice inside my head that says "you should do what she did and stop altogether."
the time magazine article talks about attachment parenting as the style of parenting to strive for. and at it's core, it does sound pretty ideal. mrs. jacks on hellobee wrote a great post about attachment parenting. to me, it sounds like a pretty natural, straight-forward way to parent. provide support, sensitivity, compassion, and love. it's kind of like, uh, duh. i think the problem with attachment parenting is that people take it too far, like mrs. jacks says. it becomes less about nurturing and more about sheltering.
matt and i talk a lot about the kind of parents we hope to be. we want to be loving but firm. supportive but strict. we will not be afraid to say no or to discipline our children. and we will draw the line when needed to protect our marriage (and our sanities!), like not letting our children share our bed. like setting her in a bouncy seat so that we have our hands free.
then i read this. it was like an epiphany. we should be fighting a mommy war. but we should be fighting it for each other, not with each other. the feminist movement did amazing work for women to get us equal rights and equality in the workplace. but somewhere along the line, it went a little rogue. it worked so hard to ensure women equal places in the workforce that it lost sight of the fact that, like or not, women have different needs than men, biologically and hormonally speaking. and those needs have gotten ignored.
in the us, you are lucky if you get any paid maternity leave. at my company you "get" 6 weeks. and by "get" i mean that you can take 6 weeks of short-term disability, paid at 65% of your salary. if you want to take anything other than, you have to use your vacation, sick, or personal time. i work at a large enough company that we participate in fmla, so that my job is protected for 12 weeks. 12 weeks. 3 months. just long enough to get a handle on breastfeeding and get a routine down. if i want to take longer than that, i risk losing my job. my plan is to exhaust all but 40 hours of my sick and vacation time (they at least let you keep 40 hours so that you have time if you need to take a sick day), supplement with the 6 weeks of disability, and then any other time i'll take unpaid, as long as matt and i can financially pull that off. i'd love to take my full 12 weeks but i'm just not sure that that is in the cards for us.
hellobee is doing a series right now on maternity leave around the world, and reading the series just infuriates me. most of the world is lightyears ahead of the us in support for pregnancy and new parents. i mean, mexico has better maternity support than the us. mexico! some countries not only offer paid maternity leave, but paid (or at least subsidized) daycare. it's amazing. why has the us - one of the richest countries in the world - not caught on? the gop and the conservative right are always going on and on about family values. where is the fight for the family value of mom being able to be home and raise her infant?
what are your thoughts on attachment parenting? and would you be willing to pay higher taxes for things like government-paid maternity leave and subsidized daycare?
women and mothers have enough pressure on them internally to be good moms. and while i think that mommy blogs can be wonderful things, they can also be harmful. it's not hard to read what other women are doing and compare yourself to them. women blog about their babies' milestones and i'm sure it's difficult to read that if your child is the same age and hasn't hit that milestone yet. or seeing all the creative things that a mom is doing with her kids, while you feel like you're barely able to get through a day unscathed.
even as a newly-pregnant woman, i find myself comparing myself to other women. i have a friend who completely stopped drinking coffee and any kind of caffeinated drinks. for her entire pregnancy. she always said she knew that one or two cups every now and then is ok, but she "didn't want to take a chance." i, on the other hand, like my coffee. when matt and i started ttc, i switched to decaf, but i still drank it. since we got our bfp, i've switched to water during the week, but on the weekends, i fully intend to enjoy my cup of decaf coffee.. i'm also going to continue to enjoy iced tea if i feel the urge. but there is some little voice inside my head that says "you should do what she did and stop altogether."
the time magazine article talks about attachment parenting as the style of parenting to strive for. and at it's core, it does sound pretty ideal. mrs. jacks on hellobee wrote a great post about attachment parenting. to me, it sounds like a pretty natural, straight-forward way to parent. provide support, sensitivity, compassion, and love. it's kind of like, uh, duh. i think the problem with attachment parenting is that people take it too far, like mrs. jacks says. it becomes less about nurturing and more about sheltering.
matt and i talk a lot about the kind of parents we hope to be. we want to be loving but firm. supportive but strict. we will not be afraid to say no or to discipline our children. and we will draw the line when needed to protect our marriage (and our sanities!), like not letting our children share our bed. like setting her in a bouncy seat so that we have our hands free.
then i read this. it was like an epiphany. we should be fighting a mommy war. but we should be fighting it for each other, not with each other. the feminist movement did amazing work for women to get us equal rights and equality in the workplace. but somewhere along the line, it went a little rogue. it worked so hard to ensure women equal places in the workforce that it lost sight of the fact that, like or not, women have different needs than men, biologically and hormonally speaking. and those needs have gotten ignored.
in the us, you are lucky if you get any paid maternity leave. at my company you "get" 6 weeks. and by "get" i mean that you can take 6 weeks of short-term disability, paid at 65% of your salary. if you want to take anything other than, you have to use your vacation, sick, or personal time. i work at a large enough company that we participate in fmla, so that my job is protected for 12 weeks. 12 weeks. 3 months. just long enough to get a handle on breastfeeding and get a routine down. if i want to take longer than that, i risk losing my job. my plan is to exhaust all but 40 hours of my sick and vacation time (they at least let you keep 40 hours so that you have time if you need to take a sick day), supplement with the 6 weeks of disability, and then any other time i'll take unpaid, as long as matt and i can financially pull that off. i'd love to take my full 12 weeks but i'm just not sure that that is in the cards for us.
hellobee is doing a series right now on maternity leave around the world, and reading the series just infuriates me. most of the world is lightyears ahead of the us in support for pregnancy and new parents. i mean, mexico has better maternity support than the us. mexico! some countries not only offer paid maternity leave, but paid (or at least subsidized) daycare. it's amazing. why has the us - one of the richest countries in the world - not caught on? the gop and the conservative right are always going on and on about family values. where is the fight for the family value of mom being able to be home and raise her infant?
what are your thoughts on attachment parenting? and would you be willing to pay higher taxes for things like government-paid maternity leave and subsidized daycare?
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
daycare
matt and i have talked a lot about our plans for what we'll do when a baby arrives and we have to go to work. for me, i've never really even considered the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. it just doesn't seem like something i would enjoy, to be honest. i mean, i'm sure being home and spending all that time with your child is wonderful, but i like my job and - more importantly - i like being able to get out of the house and engage in stimulating, adult conversation. that's not to say that adult conversation isn't possible for a sahm, as you can obviously have playdates and join mommy and me classes and whatnot. but i like the people that i work with and - as much as this job stresses me out and makes me nuts - i'd miss doing what i do every day. not to mention, being a sahm mom isn't just staying at home and playing with the kid. there are chores to do and errands to run...it's a lot of work! so, yeah, that's not really for me.
matt has hinted at being a stay-at-home dad, which i'm fine with. financially, i think it would be a bit of a struggle, but probably no more so than it will be for the first few years with a child in daycare. daycare is expensive, and sometimes it's just not worth spending more than 1/2 of one of your salaries on it. we'll have to sit down and do the math, but it may just about even out and make having a sahp be more worth it. but if it is, matt will probably be the sahp, not me.
in my mind, the answer has always been daycare. it's a no-brainer for me. i grew up in daycare. i went from the time i was 6 weeks old until i was (i think) 11. and my sister was in it with me until she was (i think) 7. and both of us turned out ok.
i've heard and read that a lot of women don't want to put their kids in daycare because they worry that their child will feel abandoned. they worry that they won't get enough time with their kids. they worry that they'll miss out on important milestones. and some of that may be true. but as a product of the daycare world, i can tell you that i never once felt abandoned by my parents. i never once felt like they didn't want to be with me. i never once felt like they missed anything. at least, i don't remember ever feeling any of that. sure, maybe i did when i was, like, 2, but obviously the feeling didn't stick around long and it certainly didn't scar me for life. i have no attachment issues. my mom traveled a lot for work when we were younger and i still don't feel like she missed out on anything. i remember her always being there for the important things - school plays, dance recitals (and the dress rehearsals), piano recitals, synchronized swimming shows and competitions, cheerleading tryouts. she was there when it counted, and that's what i remember.
i think as long as your children get a sense that you care and that you'll be there for them, they'll make it through daycare just fine. daycare provides socialization opportunities for your child that a few playdates and mommy and me classes a week just can't match. it exposes them to germs, and builds up their immune systems. it also, i think, encourages independence.
what are your thoughts on daycare? what drove your decisions to do daycare vs. sahp?
matt has hinted at being a stay-at-home dad, which i'm fine with. financially, i think it would be a bit of a struggle, but probably no more so than it will be for the first few years with a child in daycare. daycare is expensive, and sometimes it's just not worth spending more than 1/2 of one of your salaries on it. we'll have to sit down and do the math, but it may just about even out and make having a sahp be more worth it. but if it is, matt will probably be the sahp, not me.
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in my mind, the answer has always been daycare. it's a no-brainer for me. i grew up in daycare. i went from the time i was 6 weeks old until i was (i think) 11. and my sister was in it with me until she was (i think) 7. and both of us turned out ok.
i've heard and read that a lot of women don't want to put their kids in daycare because they worry that their child will feel abandoned. they worry that they won't get enough time with their kids. they worry that they'll miss out on important milestones. and some of that may be true. but as a product of the daycare world, i can tell you that i never once felt abandoned by my parents. i never once felt like they didn't want to be with me. i never once felt like they missed anything. at least, i don't remember ever feeling any of that. sure, maybe i did when i was, like, 2, but obviously the feeling didn't stick around long and it certainly didn't scar me for life. i have no attachment issues. my mom traveled a lot for work when we were younger and i still don't feel like she missed out on anything. i remember her always being there for the important things - school plays, dance recitals (and the dress rehearsals), piano recitals, synchronized swimming shows and competitions, cheerleading tryouts. she was there when it counted, and that's what i remember.
i think as long as your children get a sense that you care and that you'll be there for them, they'll make it through daycare just fine. daycare provides socialization opportunities for your child that a few playdates and mommy and me classes a week just can't match. it exposes them to germs, and builds up their immune systems. it also, i think, encourages independence.
what are your thoughts on daycare? what drove your decisions to do daycare vs. sahp?
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