bbt spike

my bbt spiked this morning from a steady post-o temp of 97.7 to 98.2.  of course, i immediately google what that could mean.  seems that sometimes a post-o spike at or around 7 dpo (which is where i am today) could mean implantation.  if the temps stay high like that, it's considered a triphasic cycle.  i haven't had a spike like that before.  last month i had kind of a steady climb before it plummeted back down right before af.  this time it's held pretty steady at 97.7, with that big shot up today.  i'm anxious to see what happens over the next few days! 

we leave for our vacation on thursday 5/3.  af is due on 5/4.  i'm going to try to hold out until after af is due, but i may cave and poas on thursday before we leave for our trip.  we're staying with one of my high school besties, who knows that we've been ttc (she and her hubby struggled with it for about a year), so it would be so exciting to share good news with them! 

trying not to get my hopes up, but feeling good this cycle! 

weird signs

so i think o day was yesterday.  i think.  i'm not sure because my temperature spiked on saturday, then yesterday dropped again, and today went back up. 

source: from fertilityfriend

that's my chart on fertility friend.  see, it's kind of all over the place.  i'm not entire sure that that 97.7 on the 21st was totally accurate - i had kind of been awake for a while before taking my temperature.  if it is, i'm anxious to see where ff is going to put my coverline.  i'm kind of guessing it'll be around 97.6, with that 97.7 being just a fluke. 

yesterday and today i've been having some weird symptoms and i'm really not sure what to think of them.  i had some minor cramping yesterday and then last night i felt really nauseated.  i could have been due to the big slupper (late lunch/early supper) we had, but who knows.  also, yesterday and today my boobs have been very sore.  i usually get some soreness about a week before my period, but this is way early and a little different.  i've read that some women experience ovulation pain, so i'm assuming maybe that's what i'm having? 

as you can see, we kept pretty busy this past week.  i took my fertile cm faithfully (and definitely noticed a difference).  as far as i'm concerned, we're in our latest 2ww.  af is due on 5/6, which is the day we leave our friends' house in peachtree to drive to savannah.  abriel has been aware of the ttc journey for us all along, so it would be so wonderful to share exciting news with her!  if this cycle doesn't work, i'm calling the doctor, cuz we definitely did everything right this time around! 

cycle 7

got an opk yesterday.  we've been bd'ing since tuesday.  anticipating o tomorrow or sunday.  will bd till day after o.

source: from thegodbox

crossing my fingers, toes, eyes, legs...hell, i might even braid my hair this weekend! 

doing more

we're in our 7th cycle now of ttc.  i seriously never ever thought it would take this long.  i've decided to take some additional measures to aid in our attempts to get pregnant.

as of yesterday, i've stopped drinking.  i know initially i said after my birthday weekend, but then we decided to go to the fell's point brew fest with my sister and anthony.  as of friday i was still spotting from my period, and hadn't yet entered my fertile phase, so i figured one last hurrah would be fine.  and boy, i hurrah'd it up!  anyway, that was it for me and i'm laying off the booze now.  i've read that drinking can inhibit fertilization and especially implantation, so it's no more alcohol for me! 

in a previous post i mentioned that i was going to pick up a bottle of vitex.  but after doing some more research, i realized that vitex isn't really for me.  vitex is supposed to aide in making ovulation more regular and timely.  since i started charting, i've ovulated on cd17 every cycle.  so irregularity doesn't seem to be an issue.  but i am picking up a bottle of fertile cm.

source: fertilecm

this is supposed to promote that elusive egg-white cervical mucus that a woman's body produces when she's most fertile.  i have yet to actually see ewcm, so i'm hoping that by helping it along, we will have more luck in conceiving.  it also decreases the acidity of cm, which helps sperm survive longer.  my o date is supposedly sunday, so starting on friday i shoudl be in the "fertile window."  so i ordered this on amazon with one-day shipping so i'll get it tomorrow and get production started!

i am also considering taking some omega-3 fatty acids with dha (fish oil).  my sister works for a nutraceutical company (nutrition and pharmaceutical) that makes an omega-3 so i need to ask her if she can get some for me.  their company specializes in making a fish oil that has a pleasant minty smell and doesn't make you burp fish (gross).

elsewhere i'm trying to take better care of myself.  i'm eating better.  drinking more water.  and i started the couch to 5k program.  i'm going in to week 3 now.  so far, it's going really well, although i've just completed the week where i run 90 seconds, walk 2 minutes.  and it was pretty cool out last week.  we'll see how it goes doubling my running time this week in 80+-degree heat.  starting this week, the schedule is: jog 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes.  repeat that for 20 minutes.  we'll see!  i'm really hoping to complete this.  i'm trying to find a 5k to run in june, but so far i'm not really having much luck. 

chunks of time

something i've noticed about this whole ttc journey is that i feel like i'm living my life in 2 week chunks.  that's how everything seems to break down.  when i get my period, then i'm waiting 2 weeks for o day.  once i ovulate, then i'm waiting for 2 weeks to [not] get my period.  and each 2 week time frame feels like the longest 2 weeks in the world.

it's just that i'm so desperate to get pregnant.  it no longer feels like something i want, it's become something i need.  i'm trying to suppress that, though.  i remind myself to take a step back and look at my life and remember that i am really happy with where it is right now.  would a baby make it sweeter?  yes, absolutely.  but does my life need to be sweeter?  no, not really.  it's pretty freaking awesome as it is.

but when you're in the thick of this ttc journey/battle, it's hard to have that perspective.  making a baby sort of becomes the be-all-end-all and it becomes the primary focus of everything you do.  with every single decision i make, i'm thinking "is this the right thing to do, what if i get pregnant, what if we have a baby, what if..."  and i have to keep remembering i can't put my life on hold for a bunch of what-ifs.

millions of women every year have babies without planning their lives out in 2 week increments.  without stopping themselves from doing their favorite activities.  without thinking in 2 week chunks of time.  sometimes when we're making plans, i will literally sit and think to myself, "but that's right around my o date, i should stay home and take it easy."  why?  pregnancy isn't going to happen any easier if i'm laying around on my ass waiting for it!  i have to try to remember to let go and live in the moment.  no good can come of sitting around and wishing my life away.

on my heart

on my heart today is the fact that i am a grade a idiot/asshole.  i've been taking a prenatal vitamin since about august, in preparation for our ttc journey.  i found one at gnc that i really like called gnc ultra mega green prenatal.  multivitamins in the past have always made me super nauseated (from the iron, is what i'm told).  but this prenatal has a special kind of iron that is gentler and doesn't make me sick.  i've been taking it [almost] every morning for the past 8 months.  i also like it because on top of all the necessary vitamins and minerals, it also has a fruit and vegetable blend to give me a boost in my intake of those things.  it's only 350mg, but i'll take what i can get.

today, i started looking into other supplements i can take to help increase my fertility.  af hasn't showed up yet, but this morning i had some spotting, so i'm thinking that this is not our cycle.  i went back to reference a post on hellobee by a ttc blogger about some supplements that she takes, and as i was re-reading it, i realized that she said she takes her prenatal vitamin 4 times a day.  "4 times a day?  that seems like overkill."  i went back to check out the label on my vitamin and saw this:

cue tears.

i'm so fucking mad at myself.  disappointed.  disgusted.  what kind of a parent will i be if i can't even read the label on my own prenatal vitamin bottle?

so, as of today, i'll be taking the three recommended vitamins per day.  i'm also going to try to find some vitex to add to my daily meds.  last week, i also decided that after my birthday weekend, i was going to quit drinking, pregnant or not.  i'm eating better and exercising (i started the couch to 5k program this week, more on that to come).  time to buckle down and get really serious. 

i'm waiting!

anyone else hear this in your head when you read my title?


I'm Waiting.... Princess Bride

just me?  ah, well.

according to all my trackers and bbts and everything else, i o'd on friday 3/23.  af is due 3/6, so if it doesn't arrive by then, i'll poas on 3/10. so we're in yet another 2ww!  i don't know, but i feel good about this month.  i just checked, and if this is our lucky month, my edd is 12/12/12 - ha!  wouldn't that be crazy!

positive

you know what that is?  that's a positive opk!  time to get my bd on!

sleep and ttc

i'm not sure exactly what i'm feeling right now.  i'm so tired, i think i'm a bit numb.  i have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately.  i wake up in the middle of the night and it takes me [what feels like] hours to fall back asleep.  this morning, i woke up around 3:45 and laid there tossing and turning, trying to convince myself to fall back asleep.  i didn't feel tired, though.  plus, i had absolutely horrible cramps and couldn't get comfortable.  so at 4:30, i gave up and got up and went downstairs.  i sat down there watching jersey shore and cuddling with padfoot.  minus the actual getting up and getting out of bed, this has happened pretty much every night this week.  needless to say, i'm completely exhausted right now.

this week has been nuts at work.  we completely blame the full moon on crazy moments at work, and this week is no different.  plus with the solar flares throwing off magnetic fields and then apparently mercury is in retrograde...?  now i don't claim to know much about astrology but i do know that mercury in retrograde is some bad mamma-jamma.  so, yeah, this week has pretty much sucked the big one.  by wednesday there had already been 11 psych placements in the hospital  that we knew of.  there have been at least 3 more since then.  that is definitely not normal. i have no idea if that's what's affecting my sleep this week, but i kind of hope it is so that i can get back to my normal sleep pattern soon.  i can't take much more of this. 

it's also upsetting me because i can't keep track of my bbt.  you're supposed to take it at the same time every day, when you first wake up, after you've been asleep for 3 hours straight.  that is not happening.  so i haven't taken my bbt in a few days.  i've decided that i'm going to get an opk now and try things that way this time around.  one bright note - my predicted o-date changed, so matt will be home for the "important" part of the cycle.  not sure why it changed, but whatever, it did, so we'll hopefully have a better chance at taking advantage of the fertile window.  with the opks, that should help nail it down a bit, too.  i'm hoping that will make up for the lack of bbt patterns.  i found a set on amazon that includes 40 opks and 10 hpts for $10.  i'll take it. 

my lack of sleep also puts me in a shitty mood and can be a trigger for my migraines.  so far it hasn't, and thank goodness it's the weekend and we don't really have any plans so i can crash whenever i feel one coming.  i just hope it all passes quickly because i'm pretty sure not sleeping is stressing me out about the bbts and not being able to get accurate bbts is stressing me out which is causing me to not sleep.  vicious cycle. 

mood

i am in the shittiest mood ever.  i am cranky and pissy and just plain miserable.  i really need to just go home and go back to bed.

i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my bbt dipped this morning, which is a sign that i'm about to get my period.  which means, of course, that i'm not pregnant.  i still don't have my period, so i guess there's some hope yet, but i'm feeling terribly pessimistic this morning and have pretty much convinced myself that af will be arriving any second now.  to make matters worse, matt is going away on his annual guys' weekend trip on the weekend right before my o day...you know, the most fertile days of my cycle.  he gets back the day before my predicted o day, but i can tell you right now that bd'ing will not happen that day, and probably not the day after.  guys' weekend means a weekend full of boozing, and he usually feels like shit for the entire week after he gets home.  so i can pretty much guarantee that we're not getting pregnant this month, either.  yay.

i just never thought it would take this long.  i mean, i've heard all the stories about people who try for a year or longer, and i always knew in the back of my mind it could take a while.  i just never thought it actually would.  a few years ago, we did get pregnant and it happened because i had to skip my pills.  for a month.  in one month off the pill, we got pregnant.  obviously, the pregnancy didn't last, but that's a whole other issue that i'm not going to get into right now.  maybe some day.  and i know it was 5 years ago and my body was much younger, but still.

i know it's only been 4 months, but it feels like an eternity.  now that i'm ready, i'm ready.  i just want to get pregnant and have a baby and start our family!  in a way, it feels like my body is betraying me.  i'm sad and i'm angry.  i have so many emotions coursing through me, i feel like i'm going to explode.  every little thing feels like a personal attack or like someone has set out with the sole purpose to piss me off.  the intern who can't understand why i didn't see a patient because i spent 1.5 hours of my life wasting my time in rounds today?  yeah, totally bit his head off.  doctor told a patient she can get a cab voucher from us, even though she lives 20 blocks away and could totally afford to pay for a cab herself?  yep, just bit that intern's head off, too.  all these emotions are cranked up inside me and i feel like i'm either going to burst into tears or punch someone.  i'm giving myself a headache, and i feel like if i don't calm down soon, i'm gonna go into full-blown migraine meltdown mode. 

plus, the full moon is on thursday, and that means the hospital is about to take a visit to crazytown, and i'm not looking forward to it.  seriously, patients go nuts around the full moon.  it is 2 days away, and i have 4 psych patients on my floor.  psych placements suck the life out of you.  just one psych placement can take 4-6 hours.  i am looking at probably 2, if not 3, placements.  already.  it's gonna be a fun week.

i need to go home and snuggle with my cat before i hurt someone.

2ww

according to ovuview and fertilityfriend, my o date was monday 2/20.  so we are now officially in the 2 week wait.  i am behaving as though i'm pregnant - i skipped a beer fest on saturday and i'm trying to eat and drink a bit more conciously than i usually do.  af is due on 3/6, and i should poas on 3/10 (if af doesn't show up). 

keep your fingers crossed and send me baby dust!


***if you have any questions about any of the abbreviations in this post, please refer to my cheat sheet on the sidebar***

and we're off

***disclaimer - lots of talk about cycles and sex in here!  if this makes you uncomfortable, stop reading!***

we're in the thick of cycle 4 now.  i'm on cd12 and - according to ovuview - i'm 4 days away from o-day.  my bbt is pretty steady, ranging from 97.0-97.3.  one morning it was 97.6, but i think it's because i hadn't slept well that night and had basically been awake for hours before i took it, tossing and turning and getting up to get a drink.  i think that was an inaccurate temp that day.  if ovuview is correct, i should see a spike in my bbt on tuesday. 

everything i've read says to bd every other day from cd8 until cd22 or so.  i've also read that the day before o-day is an excellent day to bd.  so we started on cd9 and have gone every other day.  that'll have us bd'ing on the day before o. 

i'm really hoping that ramping up our efforts will give us some results!  i never really understood why people say they're "trying" to have a baby.  now i do.  cuz it does take work, and timing, and effort.  it's a lot to keep track of!  but hey, at least it's fun work!

***if you have any questions about any of the abbreviations in this post, please refer to my cheat sheet on the sidebar***

back in time

so i realized i just sort of jumped from "we decided to start trying" to "i think i might be pregnant" without telling you the in-between time.  so here's how we go to where we are today.

as i said, we decided we'd go off the pill in october, but would just take things as they come for the first 6 months or so to avoid putting too much pressure on ourselves and also to avoid awkward holiday sneak-offs.  i did decide to start tracking my cycle, though, so i downloaded ovuview, a nifty little app on the android market.  once i downloaded it, i realized i had a lot to learn (again!).  i had no idea that you could track cervical mucus (cm) or cervical position to detect ovulation!  this is also when i learned that you're only fertile for, like, 10 days of the entire month.  this is also when i found out that, if you're tracking your basal body temperature (bbt), you have to do it at the same time every day, first thing in the morning, before you get out of bed.  in fact, you basically can't move.  realizing that last one made me definitely decide to put off tracking bbt at least until after the holidays.  who wants to worry about that when you're home and staying with your parents and getting up at all hours of the day because it's christmas and you want to sleep in, dammit!


anyway.  i did start tracking my cm.  at least, i tried.  it wasn't always easy to figure out the exact consistency yet, and i wasn't quite in the frame of mind where i wanted to go, you know, digging around for it.  all the research and reading i've done says that when your cm is egg-white consistency, that's when you're most fertile.  my first month off the pill, i definitely noticed the egg-white consistency.  my last 2 cycles, i didn't.  by the middle of my last cycle, when i should have been ovulating and wasn't seeing the change in cm, i started thinking that this was going to be harder than it seemed.  so i decided to purchase a bbt thermometer.  i shopped around on amazon and decided to go with this one.

source

i chose it because all the reviews were good. it is backlit, so it's easy to see in the dark, which will be good for when i have to take my temperature at 6am.  it also beeps constantly so that you know you have it in the right spot in your mouth.  it also holds the temp in memory after you turn it off. 

i haven't used it yet because i received it the day i was due for my period, then spent the next 9 days thinking i was pregnant.  and now i have my period.  i'll start taking it the day my period ends.  i'm anxious to see how that goes.  hopefully the beeping of the thermometer doesn't bother matt, since i get up about 40 minutes before he does.  oh well.  the way i look at it is, if he wants a baby, he'll have to deal