16 weeks

 
baby is the size of: an avocado
how far along are you: 16 weeks 2 days
what's happening with baby: baby's legs are now in proportion to the rest of her body, and her head is more erect.  her eyes are closer to the front of her head, and her ears are close to their final position.  the patterning of the scalp has begun, though hair isn't recognizable yet.  baby is growing toenails!  baby's heart is pumping about 25 quarts of blood per day (woah!)
due date: jan 10
maternity clothes: started wearing my maternity work pants, but also still wearing regular pants with a belly band.  i also got a pair of elastic-waist, under-the-belly shorts from old navy that i think i'll probably live in for the rest of the summer - they are insanely comfortable!
sleep: pretty good, now that this cold is starting to pass
best moment this week: getting the negative results on the toxoplasmosis screen.  best. news. ever.  also, i think i felt some movement last night! 
what are you looking forward to: another ultrasound and our 16-week appointment on tuesday!
food cravings: last night, i had a desperate craving for a cheeseburger.  guess what we're having for dinner today?
food/smell aversions: nothing
what do you miss: wine.  i really wanted a glass last night.
symptoms: i think i felt baby moving around last night, but i'm not sure.  otherwise, just the usual - some rlp, back pain, and, of course, this ever-expanding belly!
gender: still thinking girl.
belly button: in.
wedding rings: on

psu revisted

at first, i tried to be sympathetic.  my sister is a penn state alumna and i know how much penn state means to her.  when the story first broke last year, she was devastated.  for the sake of my sister and my friends, i tried to stay supportive of the students, all the while expressing my discontent, disbelief, and disgust at the way the administration handled everything - from their knowledge that sandusky was a pedophile to their firing of paterno.  each time i put down the administration, i acknowledged that penn state is a great university and that i support its students.

after the ncaa handed down their penalty, i continued to support the students and alumni.  i said that it's a shame for the current players who had visions of bowl games and nfl contracts dancing in their heads.  not that i don't think the penalties are fair - i absolutely do (and here's why).  but i sympathize with the plight of the current students and athletes.  

then i saw this.

and now i'm pissed off.  any sympathy i had for the students and players is gone.  all i keep hearing from my friends who are penn state alumni is "we are more than just football."  you want to prove that?  this is not the way to do it.  this is a disgrace.  this is distasteful.  penn state is better than this.  this proves everything that every naysayer has said about penn state.  this shows that this is not an academic institution but a football school.  this shows no thought whatsoever for the victims. how do you think the victims feel, knowing an entire football team, university, and alumni network are pissed off....because they came forward? 

quit showing me pictures of thon and telling me you care about the kids.  everyone knows you care about kids with cancer.  one of my sister's friends posted "caring about penn state and caring about the victims is not mutually exclusive."  no?  prove it.  show me you care about sandusky's victims, and all victims of childhood sexual abuse.  this year, make thon benefit victims of childhood abuse.

it is time to move on.  coach o'brien says it's time to stop looking at the past and look to the future.  the ncaa has handed down the sanctions and like them or not, you are going to have to deal with them.  penn state is not the only school who has been dealt sanctions, or did you forget about ohio state, who has scholarship reductions and is still banned from postseason.  the exact same penalties handed to penn state.  no, these weren't field violations (which is the argument i've seen many times as to why the sanctions are out of line), but they were moral violations that were perpetuated by the athletic department.  and that athletic department needs to be held accountable.

yes, it's a shame that the current students and players are having to pay for crimes committed 10+ years ago.  yes, the university as a whole will be affected by this.  but think about the children who lost their innocence at the hands of one man, and who weren't protected by those in a position to do so.  who have been affected by this for the past 20 years and will continue to have to live with this for the rest of their lives.

penn state, you are better than this.  you are a strong institution.  a true football legacy.  the biggest alumni network in the country.  it's time to band together.  your legacy is at risk because a few men didn't do the right thing.  be better than they were.  i am not a penn state fan, but i know you can do this. 

toxoplasmosis update

well, after 2 1/2 agonizing weeks of waiting, multiple phone calls, and lots of stress and worry, i finally got the results from the second set of toxoplasmosis blood work that was sent out to the lab in palo alto. 

yup, that's a bfn.  big fat negative.  probably one of the few times in pregnancy a woman wants to see a negative sign.  i am so incredibly relieved.

i called the office again today and when i spoke to terri (the rn who helped me fill out all the paperwork), she said she was on the other line with the lab and she'd call me back as soon as she had some information for me.  10 minutes later, she called back to say the lab faxed the results over and everything is negative - everything is fine!  she said she had decided to call because it had never taken this long to get the results back from them, and every day the office staff were asking each other if they'd seen it yet.  so finally she called.  i guess everything at the lab was backed up from the holiday, so everything was taking a little longer.  but the end result is that everything is negative and baby ike is healthy! 

in doing my research, it looks like initial igm results can be positive, indicating an acute infection.  but further testing will show that it is actually antibodies from an infection in the distant past before gestation.  all along i held out hope that this was the case - i had newer antibodies from padfoot's recent infection. 

this is such an enormous relief for me, matt, and our families.  i know my parents, sister, and matt's parents were really worried.  it was so wonderful to be able to call everyone today and tell them that we're ok.  i cried when i got off the phone with the doctor, so happy to know that our baby is ok.  this has been stressing me out so much, and i'm convinced that that's why i got this stupid cold. 

thank you guys so much for your positive thoughts, prayers, and kind words.  it has meant so much to me.  

aurora, co and the gun control debate

first off, let me just start by saying that the shooting in aurora, co that occurred thursday night was horrific.  i cannot imagine sitting in a movie theater and having some lunatic walk in and open fire.  i just...i can't.   

but this has obviously opened up that good old can of worms called gun control.  gun control advocates are pointing to it as an example that we need stricter gun laws.  gun advocates remain firm in their stance that people have the right to bear arms. 

here's how i see it.  i agree with the right to bear arms.  i think people should be allowed to own shot guns and rifles for hunting and handgun or two for personal protection.  but why in the world would a private citizen need an automatic assault rifle?  and 6,000 rounds of ammunition? 

according to reports, he bought 4 weapons - an assault rifle, 2 glock handguns, and a shotgun - within the past 60 days.  he ordered 6,000 rounds of ammuntion from the internet.  all of this was purchased and procured legally.  he applied for the guns and was approved because the only scar on his record was a traffic violation.  the assault rifle he'd purchased was, at one time, illegal, thanks to the assault weapons ban instituted in 1994, but unfortunately that ban expired in 2004 and congress didn't reenact it due to pressure from big-money gun advocates.  and i don't even want to think about how he managed to get all the explosives and incendiary devices that he had set up in his apartment. 

therein lies my problem with the current gun laws.  i get that he purchased them legally, but that shouldn't be legal.  the government will track how much sudafed you buy, but not how many bullets you buy?  it makes zero sense to me. 

the assault weapons ban needs to be reinstated - there is no need for a private citizen to ever own an assault rifle.  there should be waiting periods between weapons purchases - 30 days, at least.  there should be a way to track ammunition purchases.  i agree with the old saying - guns don't kill people, people kill people.  but the system our country has in place makes it far too easy for people to kill people.  someone this deranged and disturbed should not be able to buy 4 weapons in 2 months.  actions like that should catch someone's attention and cause a red flag to go up on this person. 

i think our gun control laws need to be seriously re-examined.  like i said, if the government can track the amount of sudafed you purchase, they ought to be able to track the amount of ammo you purchase.  same with guns - i can only buy one box of sudafed per month, but this guy can buy 4 guns in 60 days?  something just doesn't smell right here.  there has got to be a better way to allow our citizens to arm themselves, while at the same time protecting the rest of us from the ones who want to harm us.  

15 weeks

 
baby is the size of: an apple
how far along are you: 15 weeks 3 days
what's happening with baby: baby is moving amniotic fluid through the nose and upper respiratory tract.  baby's legs are growing longer than her arms, and she can move all those tiny joints and limbs.  baby's eyelids are still fused shut, but she can see light.  taste buds are forming. 
due date: jan 10
maternity clothes: busted out the maternity jeans this weekend.  i still fit in my old ones, but these are way more comfortable.  i suspect my maternity work pants are not far behind.
sleep: ok
best moment this week: had my first biweekly ultrasound on tuesday.  the tech said my cervix looks great so far, and is actually a little longer than normal, so even if it does start to shorten, it shouldn't be too much of a problem for me.  baby was really groovin during the ultrasound - she could hardly get her to stay still long enough to measure the heart rate!  i've got quite a little wiggler in there!
what are you looking forward to: still waiting to get the blood work back from the toxoplasmosis lab
food cravings: spicy and salty.
food/smell aversions: nothing
what do you miss: dippy eggs.  mom and i went out to breakfast this morning and i couldn't get my go-to breakfast.
symptoms: this week i experienced round ligament pain for the first time.  yeee-ouch!
gender: still thinking girl.
belly button: in.  i have a really deep belly button, so i really wonder if it will pop at all.
wedding rings: on

i seem to have developed a cold this week.  i feel like crap - congested, runny nose, sneezing, headache, and having a really hard time breathing.  after i only slept about 2 hours last night, i called the on-call service for my ob's office.  the doctor told me i could take tylenol, tylenol cold, dayquil, or nyquil.  she also suggested hot tea and hot showers.  i am drinking tea and water like it's my job.  hoping this passes quickly.

when pregnancy hurts

i always expected that there would aspects of pregnancy that would be uncomfortable.  you get swollen and your belly gets heavy and - oh yeah - there's that whole shoving a baby out your hoo-ha thing. 

what i didn't expect?  round ligament pain.  holy shit, this hurts.  it feels kind of like i'm being stabbed in my belly.  or my abdomen is being torn open.  or my muscles are tearing.  or maybe all of them all at once.  it hurts just sitting still, but when i move?  yowsa!  i've seen stars a couple of times.

apparently this lasts off and on throughout the second trimester, but tends to be the worst around weeks 14-15 (this is when the hormone, relaxin, is at its peak). 

psu

if you were paying attention to my "if you really knew me" post, you'd have noticed that one of the things said that if you really knew me, you'd know i was a michigan fan not only because i have family who live there, but also because i hated penn state so much that i just wanted to cheer for one of their rivals.  this is 100% accurate.

if you ever set foot in central pa, you know very quickly that you are in penn state territory.  growing up there, everyone was a penn state fan, if not a penn state alum.  we may as well have lived in state college.  penn state football was the religion, and joe paterno was the deity.  he was revered like a god.  in the eyes of most central pennsylvanians, joepa could do no wrong.

i realize now that i have never been one to like something just because it's popular.  in fact, i will often choose to take an opposite stance on something just so i can be different.  or just so i can argue.  i always thought that i chose to be a michigan fan because my favorite cousin, who i idolized, lived in michigan, loved u of m, and ended up going there for college.  as i've gotten older, though, and as i've secretly relished watching my penn state fan friends wallow in misery as michigan beat them year after year, i've started to realize that my loyalty to michigan had nothing to do with my cousin and everything to do with my chance to be a thorn in everyone's side.  i privately gloated as penn state lost games and as they played terrible football.  and i say privately because i don't like to be an obnoxious sports fan and rub it in people's faces.  nobody likes that person. 

none of this is to say that when the scandal broke about jerry sandusky i was in any way, shape, or form happy to see penn state fall from grace.  when the story first broke, i made clear my belief that joe paterno and others in administration did far less than they should have, but that i still supported the school and the students and alumni, many of whom i count as friends.  i got into arguments on facebook with friends who refused to acknowledge that their precious joepa had done any wrong.  when i made a statement that paterno didn't do enough and didn't do the right thing, one of my sister's friends, who had graduated from penn state with callie, asked if i had read the report that stated that he had done nothing illegal.  i responded that i haven't read the report, but i don't need to to know right from wrong.  but then the university fired him.  and didn't let him finish the season.  and it made me sad that he was being forced out ahead of schedule.  i mourned for my sister, who was devastated by the news.  it all seemed tragically wrong to me.

and then this past week's fbi report came out, confirming that coach paterno and the 3 others in administration had knowingly covered up the abuse for 14 years.  they had continued to let sandusky on campus, around children.  they had covered it up, all for the good of the program.  and i'm sad all over again.  sad for all the students and alumni who thought that there was still some way that they could hold paterno up to a higher standard.  and it all came crashing down.  he was just as guilty as everyone else.  he knew about the abuse and he didn't do anything with that knowledge.

there are a lot of people out there calling for a lot of things, from tearing down paterno's statue to suspending the football program.  i agree with taking down the statue.  his behavior - or lack thereof - shouldn't be memorialized.  he shouldn't be idolized.  if they want to keep it on campus, then move it to the fine arts building, so people can choose to visit it.  don't force people to walk by it and remember the many ways in which paterno disappointed them, not to mention the ways in which he let down those children.  some people argue that he did so many other great things for the university.  so what?  no matter what he did for the university, he still allowed sandusky to destroy the lives of multiple young boys.

i'm torn about suspending the football program.  on the one hand, why punish the current players for wrongs committed by their administration?  on the other hand, the penn state football program needs to learn that they have to held accountable.  that just because they bring in money for the university, doesn't mean they can be above the rules. 

it's all a big ol' mess, and having grown up in central pa makes it so much more intense.  i hope that eventually everyone can move forward.  in the meantime, i think this coming football season is going to be a tough one for everyone involved.  it'll be interesting to watch it all unfold.