Monday, October 22, 2012

my thoughts on pregnancy - part 2

i can't believe my first post on my thoughts on pregnancy was a mere 8 weeks ago.  it feels like so much longer!  and things have really changed.

i have finally grasped the concept that i am definitely pregnant now.  i have a squirmy little baby in there and he makes his presence pretty well-known.  either with his little kicks, punches, and somersaults, or with his desire to nestle up in my ribs, i am very well aware of his existence at all times.  i love knowing he's there, and even though it sometimes hurts (i seriously think i may have a fractured rib by the end of this thing), i think that i will never tire of feeling him wiggle around in there.

i like to imagine that he's a polite little kicker/puncher.  like, he's just trying to mind his own business and stretch out, and when he hits me, he quickly says, "oops, sorry, mama" or "oh, excuse me."  i told matt my theory this morning.  he laughed at me.  but i'm certain that we have a little boy who already knows his manners. 

while i know he's there, i don't talk to him as much as i thought i would.  and matt has yet to really talk to him.  the only time i really directly address him is to politely ask him to please remove himself from my ribcage.  otherwise, we talk about him, but not really to him.  at first this really bothered me - aren't i supposed to be talking to him?  is it saying something about the mother i'm going to be if i'm not talking to my unborn child in my belly?  but i finally realized that it's not.  i show him my love by making sure i take care of myself and, by extension, him. 

i really thought that having people touch my belly would bother me.  i simply could not imagine how i would be comfortable with people encroaching on my personal space.  but it doesn't bother me.  people touch the belly and i'm totally ok with it.  i couldn't really figure out why, but sweet, brilliant sara at then comes life nailed it - it's because it means that this baby boy is already so loved, even by people who barely know me.  that is amazing.

i always knew i was a hippie born in the wrong age.  i've never been super-crunchy, but i've always embraced the hippie mentality of taking life as it comes and playing with the hand you're dealt.  but as i prepare myself to become a mother, i'm finding that many of the choices we're making for our child are pretty crunchy.  we're planning to cloth diaper.  i hope to breastfeed exclusively until we start baby-led weaning.  i intend to baby-wear as much as i can.

and i hope to have an intervention-free labor and delivery.  at the wedding we went to last weekend, i told my old college roommate this (after she asked if i planned to have an epidural).  her immediate response was, "i knew you'd be one of those moms."  she didn't meant it in a bad way.  she never understood my hippie ways in college, and so it was no surprise to her that i would want to continue being a hippie as an adult and into motherhood.

i saw this quote the other day, and i really want to use it in baby boy's nursery.  "where there is great love, there are miracles" (willa cather).  his daddy and i have a great love, and he is our little miracle.  and there is no greater feeling than that. 

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