back to work

my maternity leave - and time home with daxon - officially ended on wednesday.  it was a sad day.  i cried about it starting on sunday afternoon (thanks, mom, for bringing it up at easter brunch!), and then several times all the way up through getting on the train wednesday morning.  but once i got that final cry out on the train, i was fine.  and you know what?  coming back wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it would be.  i have been told several times by almost everyone i work with that they are glad to see me back and that i was missed while i was out.  that's kind of a nice thing to hear, especially since when i'm actually at work, no one ever says, "hey, you're doing a great job and we really value you."  my floor is as busy as ever, and i jumped right in and was off and running from the minute i walked in the door.  that has probably helped with the transition, since i haven't had time to sit around and miss daxon. 

but the biggest thing?  i feel more like myself than i have in a long time.  i love daxon, obviously, and my time with him is the most important thing in the world.  but it is really nice to be back amongst adults, having real conversations.  i can only take so much one-sided talk about poopy diapers.  it's nice to be able to speak in a regular register, not all high-pitched and sing-songy. 

and daycare reports that daxon is doing great.  they said he doesn't cry much, and really just sits quietly and observes everything.  he gets that from his daddy, for sure.  he still isn't napping terribly well (3 30-minute-ish naps), but he's eating fine and is still in a pretty good mood when we get him home in the evening.  after that first morning when he was up at 4, i've actually had to wake him up at 6 to nurse him and get him ready for the day.  it pains me each time, but if i wait till he wakes up on his own, i'll be late myself. 

we've changed his bedtime routine, now.  it used to be that matt would give him a bottle around 6, then he'd play for a bit until around 8, at which point i would take him up, change his diaper, give him a massage and sing "lullaby," then nurse him to sleep.  now i nurse him when i pick him up (around 6), he plays for a bit, and then around 7:45, matt takes him up for his bath while i get his bags ready for the next day.  after his bath, i get him dressed for bed, and then we do the massage, lullaby, and nurse to sleep.  this way, matt still gets some quality one-on-one time with him while i get things ready for the next morning so we're not rushing around.  so far it seems like it's working well.  we only bathe him every other night, so on nights we don't bathe him, he just stays downstairs with us a little bit longer.