first trip to the e.d.

yes, folks, that is a hospital bracelet with my baby's name on it.  this morning, at 6am, there we were, taking daxon to the emergency room.  not exactly the way i'd hoped we'd start off father's day weekend.

dax woke up around 5:45, so i went down to nurse him with hopes that i'd be able to get him back to sleep.  he nursed for about 4 minutes then fell asleep, so i placed him back in his crib.  as soon as i put him down, he woke up, and rather than fight with him, i picked him up to continue feeding him.  before i had the chance, though, he spit up all down my back.  i laid him down on the footrest of the glider and started to clean myself up. i looked away for a split second, and then i heard it: thud.  i looked back to see his body hit the floor and heard a second thud.  he immediately started to scream, and i ran to get him.  he was face-down on the hardwood floor.  i picked him up and started to comfort him, trying to remain calm myself...and failing miserably.  i was hysterical.  matt came running out of the bedroom, and i handed daxon over to him because i was shaking so much i was afraid to hold him.  he had already stopped crying and was smiling and laughing, but i called our pediatrician to see if we needed to take him to the emergency room.  she reassured me that he was probably fine, but said we should take him in, just to get him checked out. 

so off we went, with daxon smiling away.  he got all checked out and within 45 minutes, we were on our way back out the door.  the doctor told us that the only way to ensure that he is ok is to give him a head ct, but there is a lot of radiation exposure, so he would only do it if he was exhibiting concerning behavior, which he wasn't.  he said that if daxon starts acting strangely, we should bring him back in and they'll do the scan.  our discharge instructions were basically just to keep an eye on him.

i'm not entirely sure what happened, but i think he basically pushed himself backwards off the footrest, landing first on his head, then flipping backwards and landing on his belly.  it was absolutely terrifying, but the doctor and nurses assured us that he'll be fine.  they also all told us that their own kids have fallen on their heads and they're all fine.  but that just reinforces that you can't take your hands off them, even for just a split second.  from now on he either goes on the floor or in something secure.

he still seems fine, and in another hour we're out of the danger zone.  but it's certainly something i don't need to experience ever again.

exploring faith

i know i've mentioned before that religion and church were never a big part of my life.  i was baptized at about 18 months old.  my parents took my sister at around the same age, and the pastor at the church told them that she would go to hell since she hadn't already been baptized.  so my sister was baptized when she was 15, when she asked for it.  i never had a formal first communion, and i never was confirmed.  i just one day started going up and taking communion.  i have absolutely no idea if that is even legal, but the way i look at is that jesus simply doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would care about formal ceremonies.  from the little that i've read and heard about him, he seemed like a pretty laid-back, accepting kind of person.  i doubt he cares whether or not i went through some ritualistic thing to receive the sacrament.  at least i'm doing it.  who knows, maybe i'm wrong.  but so far, i haven't been struck down, so i guess it's working ok for everyone involved.

despite all of this, i felt that it was important to get daxon baptized. we scheduled it at the church in hershey where we got married.  pastor cindy gave us a bunch of reading materials related to baptism: a book for daxon about the magic of water, a copy of the baptism program, and a book about baptism for parents and sponsors.  we have asked my sister and anthony to be daxon's godparents (sidenote, are they even considered godparents if they're not catholic?).  i started reading the book about baptism and it really got me thinking about my own faith.

in all honesty, i'm not entirely sure of what exactly i believe in.  i'm not really sure that anyone "answers" prayers.  i think that you can say a prayer and someone hears it, but the ultimate ending to that story is that fate is already decided.  what is going to happen is going to happen, no matter how many people pray for a different outcome.  despite that, i have found that when things are feeling particularly bleak, saying a prayer brings me peace.  i find peace in attending church and putting my concerns and fears and hopes into the universe.  so i think that i believe that there is a higher power that is driving our life, but the direction that it takes and the events that happen are already predetermined. 

and with confessing of sins and all that, i'm not really sure that i believe that confessing my sins to a higher power truly absolves me of that action.  what's done is done.  but i do believe that in the end, all of my indiscretions will be forgiven.  forgiven, not forgotten, which is how i live my own life.

i am still weeding through my thoughts on jesus and being the son of god and the second-coming.  in fact, i am still weeding through a lot of it.  but for now, matt and i have found a local church that we like and we are hoping to attend more regularly and get a bit more involved.  if not for our sake, then for daxon's. 

news notes

when trends die - i am so over mustaches.  can we move on from them, please?

21 kids who sold out their parents - omg, this is hysterical.  i wonder what daxon is going to come up with some day?

to parents of small children - i found this the day after i had a particularly tough night with daxon.  i kind of want to print it out and keep copies of it all over my house.  it's absolute perfection.

ncaa bans hastags, social media urls on football fields - the ncaa proves once again that it sucks.

the courage of teachers - this is so true.  i mean, you look at these teachers from the schools in oklahoma.  and the teachers at sandy hook, or columbine, or....any other school.  they aren't paid to protect our children.  they are paid to teach them.  that is all.  and yet here they are, laying down their lives for children who aren't their own. 

mars, nestle, hershey accused of chocolate price-fixing conspiracy in canada - while this looks bad for hershey, i secretly hope that mars and nestle are both found guilty.  hershey's outright admission of guilt and cooperation in the investigation will look a lot better compared to 2 companies who lied about it!

brad pitt surprises local fans at world war z screening - son of a bitch.  this is 20 minutes from our house.  why wasn't i there????

4-month appointment

we had daxon's 4-month appointment on tuesday evening.  he's a big boy, growing like a weed!

weight - 14lb, 10oz
height - 24.5"
head circ - 16.5"

he had 5 vaccines again - 1 oral and 4 shots.  he handled it like a champ!  he barely cried and then was fine all night.  he felt a little warm before bed, so we gave him some tylenol and he was fine.

we got the green light to start solids from 5-6 months.  i am anxious to start, and he is definitely interested in food, but i think we will wait until 6 months.  we will also start with fruit and veggie purees rather than rice cereal, and i actually may wait to start any grains until closer to 12 months to help his gut develop the right enzymes to break down grains.  i am really interested in baby-led weaning, but i think with him being at daycare, that will be difficult.  so we may do a sort of modified blw and puree combination type of thing.

by his weight, his zantac dose should be increased.  he's currently getting 1.25mL 3x a day.  he's doing ok on that dose for now, so we decided to keep him there and see how he does.  the ped said that most parents see that the reflux gets much better around this age, and many wean the medication themselves.  hopefully, we'll be able to add ourselves to that group!

and since i just took this this morning and i think it's adorable, here's a funny picture of dax in his bebepod with a little bit of bedhead and my favorite toy (from my own childhood) stuck on his foot. 

#donormilk

today, i packed up 200 ounces of my frozen breastmilk and gave it to a family in need. 

after matt's cousin declined my offer of breastmilk for her preemie, i went back to thinking i'd just continue stock-piling my milk and figure out some way to use it.  so one day when i was in the lactation room, i overheard the lactation consultant telling a new nicu mom that if she was having trouble pumping enough to feed her baby, she could always get donor milk from the milk bank.  so after i finished pumping, i ran into the lactation consultant in the hallway and asked her about the milk bank.  she told me to look into the human milk banking association of north america.  you have to call your nearest milk bank (ohio, for me), go through a screening interview, and then complete an application, along with paperwork that gets signed by your physician and your pediatrician.  if you get approved, they send you a cooler and you ship it to the milk bank, where they take care of donating it to someone.  holy process, batman.

so then i remembered that one of the moms in the new mom support group that i went to while home on maternity leave had mentioned that she found recipient moms on a facebook group.  so i googled "human milk" and found human milk 4 human babies.  i found the pennsylvania facebook page, and posted that i had about 200oz to donate.  within a few hours, i had a message from a local mom who was in need.  she has twins and isn't able to keep up with their needs.  we arranged for her husband to come by tonight to pick up the cooler.

i placed everything in an old styrofoam cooler, stacking them up with newest milk on the bottom, oldest on top.  her husband dropped by our house tonight and picked up the cooler. 

i have to tell you, it felt pretty awesome.  i'm hoping that i can build up a big stash again and donate some more in the future!

4 months

excuse me?!  how did we get here so quickly?  ugh, slow down time!  we have an appointment on the 28th, so i'll update his stats after that.  i'm so anxious to find out how big he is!  he definitely looks like a monster.  we met a 10-month-old the other day and dax looked almost as big as her!  yowsa!

nicknames: dax, d, bubbers, munchkin, and tyke.

likes: grabbing at everything in sight, followed by immediately putting it in his mouth.  playing on his harry potter blanket on the floor.  laughing at his goofball parents.  sleeping on his side.

dislikes: taking zantac, being hungry, being overwhelmed.

milestones: oh, man, this month has been fun!  daxon is grabbing at everything.  if it's in front of him, he will try to grab it.  and if he gets it, he will try to put it in his mouth.  if it's too big, he will work on it to try to figure out a way to get it in his mouth.  like, he really concentrates on it!  baby boy is able to sit up, assisted, and has definitely started trying to pull himself up to sit when he's propped up on our legs or in the boppy.  i seriously think that all his "workouts" with daddy have something to do with that - his ab muscle are really strong!  he is laughing, smiling, and talking a lot!  he rolled over - once - from front to back.  and lately i'm finding him sleeping on his side when i wake him up in the morning!

clothing size: still wearing 3-month stuff pretty well.  they're starting to get a little snug, but i think we've still got a couple weeks in them.

sleep: we had a week of nighttime wake-ups, but seems like we are back on track with sleeping through (*knocks wood*).  i do think we need to move bedtime up a bit, cuz he is getting kinda cranky by around 7:30, when it used to be he could go till 8.  i think after our 4-month appointment, we will also start changing up the bedtime routine so that he is not being nursed to sleep.  nursing him to sleep works so well, but i'd really like to break that sleep association before it becomes too strong.  i'm already worried, though, because i'm noticing that when i take him upstairs for bed, as soon as i start his massage/lullaby, he starts smacking his lips.  so breaking that association could prove to be a bit difficult.  although the other night i was out with friends after work and matt had to put him down.  matt put him in his crib after a bottle and he wasn't sleeping, but he didn't cry or fuss too much, and eventually (after kicking himself around 180-degrees) he finally fell asleep on his own.  so maybe it won't be too bad?  guess we'll find out!

naps: naps are much more regular, now!  at daycare, he typically sleeps 8:30-9, 10-11, then 1-3.  those times change a bit every day, but for the most part it's fairly consistent.  we try to stick to that on the weekends, but it's hard, and so far he doesn't seem to go into full-on meltdown mode if he misses a "naptime."  hopefully that continues.  

eating: he is still eating well.  he gets 3 5oz bottles at daycare.  he nurses once in the morning, once when we get home in the evening, and once at bedtime.  he is doing this new thing now where every morning he spits up.  every.single.morning.  i've tried burping him 3 or 4 minutes in, and still - instant puke.  we are soaking a burp cloth a day from it.  i'm at the point now where i don't get him dressed until after we finish nursing, because i always had to change his clothes!  so now i wake him up, change his diaper, nurse him in just his diaper, then clean him up and get him dressed.  i think he's probably just eating too much too fast, because it doesn't happen at any other feeding, and daycare says he's not doing it for them.  i've tried hand-expressing a bit before nursing him but that doesn't really seem to help.  he definitely isn't in any distress from it.  he pukes, then looks at me and bursts into a big grin.  stinker.

in general, we have a really good baby.  he is very quiet and content.  daycare again commented that he really doesn't cry much at all, just for the "necessities," like when he's hungry.  they said he loves to just sit and watch the other kids.  i took him out for dinner the other night with a friend of mine, and he behaved so well that other diners were commenting on how good he was!  we really are super lucky.  i think the most exciting thing for this month was meeting his new cousin.  and let's be honest - that was more exciting for mommy than it was for daxon!

matt's a homebrewer, so i could not pass up this awesome "assistant brewer" onesie

from my first mother's day

bigfoot

all smiles

 if you follow me on instagram, you've seen these pictures already....

sunday morning storytime - this is our favorite book

phillies day at daycare!

mommy and daddy were being silly, recreating fear and loathing in las vegas.  with our 4-month old.

how funky is your chicken?!

  happy 4 month birthday, baby boy!!

sound.

i don't know if this is weird, but i'm just going to say it.  my favorite sound in the world right now is daxon enjoying his meal.  the little gulps and sighs of satisfaction just melt my heart.  knowing that i'm responsible for that happiness, for filling his little belly, for satisfying a hunger he doesn't really "get" quite yet?  

love.