today i was ready a conception story on hellobee, and as the blogger spoke about her journey to pregnancy with her partner, and their subsequent positive pregnancy test, i couldn't help but get a little choked up. i can't believe that a little more than 7 months ago, i was anxiously peeing on a pregnancy test, waiting to see the 2nd pink line show up. and when i had a faint 2nd pink line, i decided to wait another 24 hours to see if the word "pregnancy" floated up on the screen of a digital test. the blogger i was reading took the tests with her partner present. i took mine by myself. with the first test and the faint 2nd pink line, i was excited but reserved. i showed it to matt and he also cautioned not to get my hopes up, because there was barely a line. so i forced down the lump rising in my throat and attempted to keep my feelings in check.
24 hours later, in the bathroom at my friend abriel's house in peachtree city, ga, there i sat, waiting for the word "pregnancy" to vaporize before my eyes. in my heart of hearts, i knew it would be positive. even though i'd read that positive results usually pop up right away, i made myself not look for a full....maybe 90 seconds. finally i couldn't stand it any longer, and there it was. pregnant. i was pregnant. we were going to have a baby. this was actually happening. i sat there in shock for a minute, just staring at the test. and then i just giggled. because that's what i do when i'm nervous or excited - i giggle. like a schoolgirl. like a fool on a holiday. take your pick of cheesy cliches. finally, i gathered myself together, replaced the cap on the test, washed my hands, and went back to the bedroom, hands shaking the whole way, idiotic grin on my face. i woke matt up and showed him the test. he looked at it, looked at me, looked at it, and then just smiled and said, "wow!" and that's when i finally cried. while i giggled.
i had no idea the journey i was in for when i saw that word on the screen. i had no idea that i would spend a few weeks terrified by the thought of having toxoplasmosis. i had no idea that i would have contractions and have to go to the petu at 28 weeks, and spend a scary 5 hours waiting to find out if i was going into preterm labor. i had no idea that my sister would shortly announce her pregnancy and then find out that she is also having a little boy, so that our babies can grow up and be best friends. i had no idea how much i would love this little man, even though i haven't even "met" him.