Monday, February 6, 2012

so...i'm not

i woke up this morning, around 5:30am, with horrible cramps.  i thought it was something i'd eaten last night at the super bowl party.  after a few minutes lying in bed, waiting for it to pass, i got up and went to the bathroom.

much to my dismay, af showed up, unexpected and -frankly - uninvited.  so rude of her.  i went back to bed and continued to have awful cramps.  like, the worst cramps i've had in years.  probably since before i went on the pill.  that's why i went on the pill in the first place in high school - my cramps were so bad i could barely function.  that's what these feel like.

i'm super confused.  this officially makes my january cycle 38 days long.  my december cycle was 27 days long.  november was 29 days long.  i have to admit, i had a feeling this would happen.  with the super bowl being this weekend, i had plenty of distractions from my previous obsessing about my missed period.  i couldn't help but wonder if, with all the cooking, cleaning, planning, entertaining, etc, my body would finally right itself.  looks like i was right.

needless to say, even though part of  me expected it, i am enormously disappointed.  i'm not even sure i have the words to describe it.  i thought for sure this was it.  this was our turn.  i want to cry but for some reason i just can't. i'm sitting downstairs watching zookeeper on-demand while matt's sleeping upstairs.  i haven't told him yet.  i know he'll be disappointed, and that makes me sad.

so this week i'll get through my period, and then we'll jump back on the ttc train.


*af - aunt flo, aka my period

2 comments:

Jessica said...

Ugh, so sorry girl :(

Christina said...

I'm so sorry! I remember feeling this way every time AF visited me. It also blows my mind how teenagers can get pregnant from a one night stand when it takes a mature, responsible, loving couple months and months!